Woman here, who lost her own mother to exactly the same disease less than a month ago. We've been trying for a baby for a while now and the same thoughts as your wife's have crossed my mind more than once.

We didn't succeed in time. And this might sound harsh, but I am almost relieved the pressure is off now. You should have a baby when you're ready, when your relationship is ready, and not for the sole reason that your mum might (and if you've done your research you know that the chances are very slim to say the least) still be around to see the kid after it's born.

This baby will be around for the rest of your life, it is your responsibility to give this new human the best possible start, and your motivation to have a kid should be that you WANT it, you want it now, and you feel that the time is right. Not when your mother has just died and you have a 10 year old to take care of in addition to a possible newborn.

Your wife is being unreasonable by pushing this issue prematurely, and if anyone is selfish, then it's her. What's your mother's opinion on this?