You are not being unreasonable or unfair. Not at all. I will say though, that I can somewhat sympathize with his reaction. He probably sincerely believes you knew how much his hobby was before you two got married. He also probably never expected you to ever have any issues with his hobby. I am sure his guns are his 2nd greatest love, with you as his 1st. The thought of having to pick between the two is probably terrifying him, even though that isn't at all what you are planning to do. He's probably envisioning that this is the first cut of many you are planning on inflicting on his beloved hobby, and he reacted the way he did out of fear that you'll eventually ask him to stop. Why? Because I am sure he has had friends that have faced off with an actual "love ultimatum" over their beloved hobby, and they are now no longer competitors because of it. Or divorced. Either one. Unfortunately love ultimatums are an infuriatingly common practice among new spouses, and it's basically when one partner tells the other: "It's either me or the [insert hobby, animal, relative, item of contention]!!!" I don't believe that is what you are suggesting to your husband at all, but let me paint you a picture of what it probably looks like to him.

So my dad has an expensive hobby as well: golf. Green fees ($25-$60 a player...for only 9 holes), cart rentals, buckets of balls for practice ($10-$30), golf clubs, golf balls, tees, gloves, tournament fees, etc... I wouldn't at all be surprised if my dad sometimes spends about $1K a month on golf. Anywho, my dad has a couple of groups he golfs with, one of which is comprised of some of his best friends. One of those friends probably loved golf more than my dad, and he was damn good. Well, two years after marrying his current wife, he stopped. She hated the amount of time it took to play a round and resented that all of his 'free Saturdays' were spent on a golf course without her. So he cut back. But then his game began to suffer, so he began inviting her to play. She was miserable, so that didn't work. So after a rough first two years of marriage, battling constantly over his love of golf, he had to choose: her or golf. He picked her. I guess he's happy, but I remember my dad resenting the hell out of her for it. He still does I think.

I remember asking my mom if she'd ever asked my dad to not golf so much, and she told me no. Why? Because she knew about his love and devotion to the game before marrying him, and she didn't marry him with the intent to change anything about him. But she also hasn't done so because my dad balances his love of the game with his responsibilities to our family. He may have an expensive hobby, but it has never jeopardized our family's finances. Moreover, he never skipped out on special events or family time to golf. Ever. If we wanted him home, he'd be home! Thus, my mom's never considered giving him an ultimatum between her/the family and his love of golf, because he's never given her a reason to.

All that being said, I think your husband fears that you are going to make him choose between you and his shooting. Given how outrageous his spending is, I think he's actually given you good reason to--but that's not what you are trying to do at all. You just want him to save a little more. You need to reassure him of that! Let him know that he is free to continue practicing and competing as much as he wants, but you cannot be the only person in y'alls partnership saving. If it means he has to cut down spending on other things, great! No more eating out for lunch for him, or whatever. I just think you'll have a little more success discussing this again if you reaffirm your support of his hobby, and make it clear that you are just really disappointed that he hasn't been as committed to the financial stability of the household. Try to avoid any language leveraging his love for shooting and y'alls relationship. If he still reacts horribly, then he's either got a serious shopping addiction or he really does value his hobby more than his relationship with you. Hopefully that's not the case! But due try to talk about this again with the understanding that you may have just scared him with how you approached the topic the first time.