My (29/F) husband (30/M) helped cover up his friend’s affair and can’t understand why I’m angry at him.

It’s funny because ah, this is an issue I’m working on with my husband, but it’s about being able to step up in a crisis and asserting yourself/asking for help. And also being able to follow through on promises to do so.

If you think of how John Mulaney talks about his wife, that’s me. I say what I feel and deconstruct it as I’m saying it. I’ve been through more crises than I can count and I still have a very strong work ethic, I am always aware of what I’m not doing well and it’s often because I don’t value that task (I’m lazy about cleaning the windows because I never notice dirty windows. I know it’s a chore to be done, but it’s not something I do when I putter around the house).

He’s the opposite and is not good at talking about his feelings and will just agree with what I’m saying because he feels like he has to, even though I am constantly asking him what he thinks. And then will mention it 6 months down the road that he felt steamrolled. But then if I suggest I’m steamrolling him in the next conversation, he’ll deny it. So, I don’t trust him when he says that.

Also, if I’m not steamrolling, nothing gets done. He had two tasks for our wedding (after I took the other ones over because timelines are real) and neither were done. I planned the whole thing, paying for most of it, while also losing my beloved job in a traumatic way and conducting a cross-country job search. And I’m not supposed to use that as evidence that I can’t trust him on follow through? No way.

If he was drinking or gambling, my distrust of him in this situation would be justified. But because it’s not (and I’m currently disabled and not working), I am generally reluctant to ask for help or advice because doing so is an invitation for insults from random people.

/r/relationship_advice Thread Parent