I've written this email to Justin (as I've always been better at communicating thoughts through email). I'd appreciate feedback on tone.
Hey Honey,
I love you so much, and because of that we need to have a serious conversation.
I want to begin this by saying that I believe 100% we can work through this. But we can't keep living in limbo like we are.
I messed up, I fully acknowledge that. But I continue to be punished for one mistake, seven months ago despite all the amends I've made. I've stopped seeing Mike, when he asks to meet up I turn him down. I feel I have built a clear barrier between myself and him and have dedicated myself 100% to our relationship. If you feel otherwise, let me know. I'm committed to doing what needs to be done to make you feel secure.
With that in mind, I'm going to decline Mary's wedding invitation. I think putting the barrier up that if Mike is going to be at an event, I won't, is a good one. But it's important to me I continue to be friends with Mary, 1 on 1 as she is a close friend of mine outside of any connection to Mike.
Is this enough? I'm concerned that after seven months we haven't made any progress moving forward. I'm willing to give it time, but I'm worried time alone isn't enough. I think at its core you are belittling yourself and my choice to date you. I know that is a bigger issue than just Mike as its come up in other situations as well.
I'm not saying we have to go tomorrow, but I think we should setup a plan that if we're still in this imbo a few months from now we go to counseling. I know you had a bad experience at counseling in the past. However, counselors are like teachers, you have good ones and you have bad ones. Can we commit to doing some research and picking a good counselor together if we reach this step? We're not going because you're wrong and I'm right, or I'm wrong and you're right. This isn't about blame. Its about some deep insecurities at the root of our relationship that we need help discussing.
I want to fight for this. You're worth it, I'm worth it. Will you fight with me? We have the best life I could imagine together.
Xoxo.