I had similar thoughts to yours before I finally saw someone – judging, laughing, etc. It's a normal human response to have, I think. But once you get over that hurdle and see how nonplussed they are, you see them for what they are: a partner that sincerely wants to see you improve. Ever since I finally gave in and saw someone – probably 10 years later than I should have – my life has improved exponentially. I'm proud of you taking that first step – you started small by posting on Reddit. Now, take the next step. Get to where you can talk to someone in an office. What you're feeling is completely understandable, but take it from us outsiders who have no emotional attachment to the situation: YOU'RE FINE. If one of my friends told me this, I wouldn't laugh or think any less of him. I know these people irrevocably damaged your ability to trust, but don't let that hold you back. Don't let these friends-that-never-were impact the rest of your life. They got their impact – they don't get any more.