My husband [M34] of 2 years found out some unsavory details about my [F31] past, and I'm scared it could lead to divorce.

I'll try and keep this short. We've known each other 5 years, been married for 2 years, and up until last weekend things were perfectly fine. Maybe once in a while we'd bicker about money or something, but 99% of the time we were happy together.

While out last weekend for a friends birthday, a (now ex) friend of mine told my husband about a relationship I had in college. My husband knew about my college boyfriend, but obviously I didn't share intimate details about our sex life. Well... it came out that I used to engage in threesomes with him and his male roommate. Probably 12-15 in total, but all my husband knows is that it was 'more than once'.

College was a totally different time in my life. I was drinking every weekend, doing recreational drugs every month, partying, having casual flings - just like everyone else at that age. It was a hedonistic "live for today" lifestyle that I thankfully grew out of. I look back on those years with a lot of regrets, and not just about my sex life. I mean, it was 10+ years ago. I'm a totally different person now.

Regardless, I know my husband sees me in a totally different light. He hasn't slept in our bed since he found out, and he's barely spoken to me all week. I'm so scared he'll divorce me, I'm walking on eggshells just trying to stay out of his way while he works through this. I really want to sit him down and clear the air, I just don't know where to begin... I feel like one slip of the tongue and our relationship could be completely over.

I know I'm not a good person for keeping this from him, so please don't lecture me. It was a chapter of my life I'd thought I'd closed for good. It was my ONE secret, and I honestly debated telling him about it but came to the conclusion that no positive outcome could come from it.

I don't believe you gave one second's worth of consideration about telling him for the same reason people won't tell their current employer that they embezzled from a previous employer. Having two guys run a train on you is not illegal like embezzling, but close to 100% of decent men have no interest in marrying a woman like that, no matter how many years ago it was. You know that and that's why you lied on your resume. And since you lied once, your claim this is your ONE secret becomes suspect.

Human beings are not monogamous by nature. If a man or woman commits to a mongamous relationship for life there needs to be certain payoffs.... one of them being quality of character. You failed that one by not telling him before the nuptials.

/r/relationships Thread