hey, thanks so much for sharing all this! i really relate to these emotions even though my situation is not identical. i'm sorry about your situation with the girl. it sound like you're trying to overcome mental illness so that you two can be together, but that is a lot of pressure. also i often have my emotions hinging on a single person, and it is a total rollercoaster for me

i'm in school right now, but i took over a year off for rehab and may be about to drop one of my classes. about a month ago i had a traumatic incident & since then i've been hiding out in my room avoiding most classes, watching movies & listening to music. i think it's really hard to face the world when i'm in this fucked up state because i don't want to have to pretend to be a normal person but i don't want everyone to see how fucked up i am either. due to the trauma and social anxiety i too have trust issues and think most people will hate me or are only around me bc they want something. when i'm around people i wanna run away. i don't know if this is something you feel as well, but i found what you wrote very relatable. i think the only way to really cure social anxiety is lots of exposure to people and positive interactions, but of course i have no idea how to accomplish that

i'm so so sorry that you feel like things are deteriorating even further. i know what you mean because i have no idea how i'm gonna get out of this situation and i've fucked up so many times and i don't think i could stand disappointing myself & others one more time. i'm currently looking for therapy, though, and starting a dbt group on friday and i'm just praying that it serves as some sort of anchor in this bleak, hazy state i'm in everyday. i think it will, just because i need someone to help me. i don't think my post is very helpful in providing solutions, but i really really relate to everything you said and i'm glad you submitted it. i think you would benefit from professional help to re-engage in the world but i really don't know. regardless, i hope things look up soon!