OK , first you need to understand that marriage is not ABOUT YOU but a WE formula. Just because she is out of work doesn't makes her less, so get over the "I do everything" attitude. 2nd being a nanny is like being a housewife without being married, so it sounds like she likes the format and refuses to be totally honest with you in order to keep you happy thinking eventually she will get a JOB. 3rd , stop speaking negatives out loud, those words sink right into your sub conscious mind and stay there beating you down. As the saying goes, what you thinkith will be. 4th, why does your wife have a male friend and why is she willing to risk her marriage for another man? That would not fly in my household if my best friend what a woman not my wife. You two need to get some solid counseling either from a Pastor or a licensed Christian counselor.