I know all that in theory, but the problem is that I'm required to make sure they are available for visitation. My lawyer says my only obligation is that they are there when he comes to get them, but that it is up to them to decide if they actually want to go.
Ex-hubby doesn't see it that way. We actually ended up in family therapy because he insisted I should punish them if they don't cooperate. They had a miserable overnight visit a couple of months ago where he ended up bringing them home at 9pm and was irate that I wouldn't ground them. When I refused to punish them for something that happened at his house, he threatened both me and the kids that he wouldn't pay child support/college/insurance if they didn't cooperate. (Yeah, that'll make 'em love ya, dad!)
Where we are now is that the therapist is recommending that the kids be allowed to plan an afternoon of 4-5 hours, where they get free rein in planning outings and/or activities and meals. She wanted them to be able to create their own plan and start building positive experiences. (She actually thought they should be given the choice to participate or no, but dad has other ideas. If they are forced to go, she wants it as tolerable as possible.)
What I agreed to do was that if he followed the therapist's recommendation of gradually working up at a pace that is comfortable for the kids, then I would withhold privileges if they didn't cooperate. (Withhold privileges = no electronics during the time they were to have been w/dad.) Seeing how stubborn the kids were being, I wanted them to have some of the responsibility for planning and making an attempt. If he pushes for a longer visit, he's on his own.
That scenario worked great --- the first time: He baked cookies with my daughter on Saturday and took my son to a movie on Sunday. The second time around, however, his girlfriend was in town, so instead of doing one-on-one activities of their choosing, dad took them both for just the one afternoon and he made the plans. The past couple of weekends he's just picked them up with no plans and just did chores and errands. I'm not joking, he hadn't seen my daughter in two weeks and ended up at the supermarket, and tried to get my son to go to Costco the next day. He sees them all of 8-10 hours in a month and he can't plan his errands around them!?! I get that it can't be Party Time every weekend, but when my daughter was already talking about pretending to be sick so she could get out of it, what a way to make them feel like you value your time with them! (Btw, returned from vacation w/girlfriend the night before!)
So, yeah, I'm throwing in the towel here. The divorce was final on the 13th, so the days of me feeling like I had to bend over backwards to keep things amicable are over. I can't fix this for him; he's going to have to figure it out on his own.
Do you have experience in this area? So far the kids have gone off with him reluctantly, but under their own power. I can see, however, the day where they outright refuse to go looming on the horizon, especially for the 17 y/o. He wants to take them for Memorial Day weekend, and I guarantee neither of them would get in his car to go. I am dreading this confrontation, as I am already hearing from dad how I'm not supporting him.