I just think I might need someone who has experience in severe trauma,

Yes, you do. However, although you are indeed "broken" right now, and what your mother did to you was horrible, you will not be broken forever. You can mend. You can heal. And you can become an amazing beautiful person, although you will indeed bear the scars.

I don't tell my story that often, because it feels like one-ups-man-ship and might frighten away people who are mainly dealing with emotional abuse. Mostly I just give support. But at the age of 5, in 1966-1967, I was sexually abused and eventually violently raped by my grandfather. This was severe enough that I was hospitalized with a fistula and septicemia, and nearly died, because no one would believe me, my mother beat me and threw my things away when I tried to tell her, and no one took me to a doctor until blood began pouring from my vaginal/anal area.

I repeat: I was five. I'm not normal "down there." The physical damage is much better now, but it was very difficult to handle, especially because my mother denied it ever happened. She was an extreme violent Nparent throughout, which only increased my "brokenness." Of course I can't have children. Not that I wanted to. I have had lifelong PTSD and also problems with alcohol abuse, which persisted until I was able to confront my memories, and also it helped that both my parents died. It's amazing how deeply the threat "I'll kill you if you ever say a word to daddy" can be embedded in a soul.

HOWEVER. I am also a mostly-happy 53 year old woman. I've had difficulties with relationships, but I did have one that lasted for 15 years, until my partner died in 2010. I practiced law successfully for nearly 20 years. I am able to function very well in the real world. It took a long time, and I hope it does not take as long for you. With the support you have here, and the great advances in therapy and understanding of the effects of childhood trauma, you should be able to have a very good life.