Alright my turn to shine on this shiny stage. I'm 23, i'm chinese but can barely speak mandarin, i live in France and work in a bar-tabacco, i get 1900€ monthly from it. Tuesday is my day off and i usually work from midday to 9pm. Basically i've been on depression singe i was young. It starter when i was in primary school, i was very shy and couldnt socialize. I skipped school many times wandering in the streets. And it kept going like this until college, cause things didnt went the way i wanted to. One of these being my sister dating my cousin and not even trying to hide it from me. I know it wasnt right even though i did not read or been taught about incest. Yes i call it incest. I've been kinda shocked. But i had to ignore it. By the time my parents were fighting each other, my dad accusing my mother to be cheating with her boss. Shitstorm ensue they didnt talk to each over ever again. And my dad traveled to Italy where he lives nowadays. So after 2 Years in college i graduated and then left cause it wasnt what i was looking for as a future. So i have been chilling a couple of months playing videogames. My mom then decided that i had to do something like bringing money back home, cause chinese families work that way. Hopefully my sister was about to open a restaurant. But it was something like 70km away from home so'i had to live on spot. There was a little appartment upstairs, but only 1 bedroom that could fit my sister and husband and a living room. So they made literally a closet for me, it was 2meters long and 1.5meters wide. They wanted to punish me. I only had my cellphone as entertainment. It lasted 8 months as a waiter, 6/7 from 10am to 10pm. My sister then had to change activity cause it wasnt working at all. By the way i didnt get salary from it. I had like 1k monthly but i had to send everything to my mom. I Also burnt some paycheck cause she was merely making money. I then made some little jobs such as delivery in the same neighboorhood for a couple of month and went back home. I found a job in Paris in a bar-tabacco, it was pretty gold until the owner decided to leave. Coworkers left too. I made the choice to stay. I liked them but had to go seperate ways. So now we are in the present, i've been skipping working days. I felt like dogshit my entire life. I have literally no friends. Well to ne honest there is 1. We were a bunch of online friends playing CS since i was 13/14yo. He moved to Paris last year so sometimes we hang out. A couple more of these online friends reappeared on Steam and we still play together from time to time. It reminds me some good old times. But besides that i feel like i'm stuck, i won't be able to make a step forward. I can't even hang out properly cause my worktimes aren't the best. Imagine yourself having 2hours after work to do something before the last train leaves. And on tuesday im so bored i just want to sleep 16hours straight. I've even been working on myself, i can speak to strangers and maintain eyecontact without feeling too weird. Oh and i'm Virgin. I had only 1 real girlfriend when i was 15, i met her cause i found a guy into Asian culture circule, we've met in a japanese convention and introduced me to some of his friends. At this time i was still vert shy, i had no idea why the girl that became my GF later had a crush on me, but hey, fuck it, it's like a Steam achievement, plus i kinda liked her too. The other one was a girl interested in asian culture in my highschool, i felt like a trophy to her cause i did not know anything about her. And another one i found on world of warcraft, this one was funny, i don't even want to talk about it. So here we are. I began this thread at 4.20am it is now 5.40am. Spreading on the internet my entire life and as i picture it, i realise how small it is on the screen of my tablet and not even passionating.

I probably made some mistakes cause english is not my native language. Sorry about it. But i'm trying to improve myself :)

Tldr ; there is no tldr about my depression.