I would like to tell you my story, sorry for the shitty spelling and formating. Hope it helps. Iam on my phone. I was in a almost simmaler situation, fucked up three years in collage, parents comparing me to other sucsesful people from our social circle. And it really sucks, you feel like shit for not progressing as much as your friends, colligues, familly members, and you spend your day just wondering how did i fuck up so bad i dont even know what i wanted to do with my life... There was a party my friends threw, didnt want to go but they made me, and for a breef moment i forgot my problems and i was happy. I was depressed for so long i forgot what happynes felt like. So I started thinking, I wanted to be like them, be happy, I wanted to know how can i preserve that feeling of joy, but how the fuck can i be like them, and I started notecing that all of them had one thing in common, a reasonoble amount of not giving a fuck, not be an asshole, just not give a fuck when it aint your turn to give a fuck, be kind, dont treat everything like its a be all or end all situation. I aways look to help, love everyone around me, even strangers, that I didnt leave enough love for myself. So I needed to find what i needed to do to be happy. I wanted to get into collage, got in. Cleared the first semester, then i found out anxiety was the real problem, the fear of interacting with strangers made me feel insane, and that was what made me miss out the few years of collage, the feeling of not belonging,I had to remember that all of them are probably in a simmaler situation, feeling the same. So i started random discutions, forced myselft to go to class, to push my confort zone, and it worked, I even had my first true girlfriend that year...

The point i want to make is, You just need to ask yourself do you want to be happy, do you want to have a girlfriend, do you want to lose some weight, get some musle, get into collage. Becouse if you want something you never had before you got to do something you havent done before. If people allways compare you to your brother, fuck em. You need to find what you want to do and how you can get there. Your brother didnt just wake up sucssesfull it took some work and time. If you feel likeyou are depressed get some help from a medicak proffesional. That is the first step to being happy becouse depression can pull you under the ice and keep you there untill you rot. Do you remember when you were happy? Remember that feeling, and make the decistion that you are not going to let depreasion drag you down all your life, i did and i found myself living a better life. Dont feel bad for wasting your time, we all do. It is what makes you you. Im sorry if this was a bit rude of me to rant about my experiance about suicidel thoughts. Your situation sounda simmaler and i wanted to tell you how i got over it...