This will be buried, but I need to type out my thoughts, because this shit is driving me crazy.

I don't know where to begin, as it's all so weird for me. Every night the past 4 years we have known each other, I've wanted her there with me. Not a day goes by where I don't picture it. She's been one of my best friends for a long time, but I could never suppress the feelings that I had for her. Last weekend, we stayey together for two nights, and fell asleep in each other's arms. We didn't do anything sexual, but the time I spent with her was everything that I wanted. Everything was right there, and finally I felt some happiness.

The problem is that she's had a long distance boyfriend for some years. Yes, I know I'm a piece of shit for what I did (however I didn't instigate it). The following two days all I could feel was a whirlwind of emotions: happy, sad, angry, you name it. When we talked about it, she and I admitted our feelings for each other, but she still loves him and needs time to think things over. At first, I was happy, because I thought this maybe meant I could finally be with her.

Now, I can't stop thinking about it, and it's driving me crazy. I am the happiest man alive when I'm with her, and a miserable piece of shit when I'm not. I don't know what she's thinking, and it drives me crazy. I want to talk to her about it again but I feel that I need to give her more time. I just can't stand to think of what our relationship will become if she stays with him, and I'm scared to tell her, because the last thing I want to do is set an ultimatum. So, the last week has been me either being extremely happy or downright miserable.

Like I said, I still don't know how to formulate the words that I'm feeling, but typing it out has eased my mind for the time being.