I’ll fess up a bit.

I was involved with a few friends in bullying two other boys my freshman year of high school. I can honestly say I am not sure how it started, but it basically turned into a peer pressure situation, make fun of them or get made fun of type of deal. At the age of 13 or 14 true reasoning skills weren’t quite there.

There were these two guys, I believe one year ahead of us, that were quite obviously not too popular. They were goth kids, right when goth was no longer a “normal click.” They would always eat lunch under the stair case in the gym. Just then two.

We noticed one day and someone made a stupid joke like “look at the satanists.” Then one of us yelled “satanists” and we all ran out of the gym. This would happen a few times a week for a handful of months. Occasionally they would eat somewhere else, but we would inevitably cross paths. I think the peer pressure was also fueld by being bullied in elementary school myself. One of those “felt better to be on the giving end for once” situations.

My sophomore year I ended up no longer hanging out the these friends anyway, as high school tend to do to friends we slowly migrated into different acquaintance groups. I think of the four of us I only had regular contact with one for a couple more years. Now, of the three of them I remember one, I remember ones first name (because it was similar to mine), and I don’t remember one at all besides his face.

Anyway. My junior year rolls around and one of my female friends introduces me to her new boyfriend, who happens to be one of the guys we would antagonize. I introduced myself I’m sure and acted normal as did he. There was no perceived awkwardness or anything, but I had this guilt with me anytime we were at the same table for lunch, or what not. I never saw the other guy until one day I went to sit down at the table my friends were usually at and they were both there. Lunch went on as normal and at one point it was just me and then at the table and I took my shot.

I explained that I was one of the guys that they would occasionally hear yell “satanist” during lunch a couple years prior. I apologized and told them it was stupid and that I judged them and gave into peer pressure. They both kind of chuckled, one of them said they never really knew who it was because we would always run away after saying it and it had been a couple years. They said in return they would usually just call us “douches” under their breath as we ran away. They both said it was all good, or accepted the apology in one way or another.

The rest of the year went on as normal. They were both seniors so I never saw them again after that, I barely remember one of them at all, the other (the boyfriend of my friend) I remember his first name and that’s it. I don’t even remember my female friend’s last name that dated him either lol.

To this day (13 or 14 years or so since apologizing) I still think about it and am ridiculously grateful that I had an opportunity to apologize and that I did so. Even if they actually weren’t bothered by it, it made me feel a bit better about my stupid choices of the past. I do still wonder what their lives ended up turning out like, because they were pretty cool guys I came to find out.