I do not think my issue is "socialising" as it's fairly easy. I'm probably weird and awkward or whatever; it doesn't bother me. I learned that from a friend who was naturally awkward and she genuinely enjoyed it. She would intentionally try to make situations awkward and make herself look like an 'idiot' and laugh at them. She's in true peace with that part of her personality.
I admire that about her.
I started uni in September. I was studying a subject I didn't really care about, and when I tried making friends with someone, after hanging out with them for the first time I ended up fearing for my saftey. I made a scenario in my head and I convinced myself they'd try to harm me, so I ghosted them IRL and I felt like I was an absolute piece of shit.
After that attempt, I spent 5 months with no uni friends. University is fairly huge, and taking long walks around is is probably the best thing about it. Outside of the colleges is fairly empty, and it's nice walking around there. No other students, nothing... It's great.
I switched majors recently, and for the first time at this uni, I felt "at ease" talking to my classmates. They all seemed chill and easy to talk to. That being said, I met a group of people and they are kinda... starting to treat the whole thing as a legitimate friend group. One of them asked me "Where did you go after class? I thought you were gonna wait for us!". I said I had to talk to someone to fix my schedule (true) but at the same time, I felt trapped, feeling guilty that now they think I am their friend, but in reality, I feel too comfortable being alone.
When I talked to them earlier, I noticed they didn't like walking like I do, and I just can't compromize that. I'd rather be alone than sacrifice those walks to have 'friends'.
I also noticed they never ask questions while conversating. That's one of the most important skills in a friendship IMO.
Sometimes I feel like there is a serioue problem with me. I'd push people away for whatever reason, and then wonder why am I so alone most of the time.