What my lawyer has told me is that my only obligation is to make them available if he comes to get them, which is what I've heard from other divorced parents in the area. There is no expectation that I will punish them if they don't cooperate, which is what my ex is suggesting.

My lawyer suggests I wait until he makes the first move, which she doesn't think he will. Her exactly words were that "any judge would laugh him out of the courtroom." He's been threatening for over a year to take me back to court - as recently as last week - but I've not heard a word. Since I'd actually be thrilled if the current order were followed, I don't have any incentive to spend the time and money modifying the orders (and furthering my apparent plot to alienate him!).

Why hasn't he followed through? My guess is his attorney told him the same thing, that the kids are old enough to decide for themselves. Plus, we did work with a family therapist last year, and he refused to follow her recommendations, calling her 'worthless'. I believe his comment about my daughter's individual therapist was that they "didn't see eye-to-eye on a few things." He's got to know he wouldn't have any support to force the issue. Even his own therapist suggested he back off and stop pressuring them.

Following last week's blow up, I do wonder whether taking the steps to modify the orders to reflect both how much he's cancelled on them, and how adverse they are to spending time with him, but I can't help but worry rocking the boat will just make things worse.

Or, you know, the guy could just stop doing stupid shit to piss off the kids, then maybe they'd want to actually spend time with him without threat of punishment, but perhaps that's just me ;)