It's true though. Me and everyone else that's single will always be less than a person until we have a girlfriend. Who knows, you might even be gay. Did you ever think of that, MotownMurder? I mean, I'm not saying you are or anything, just that I'd be perfectly cool with it if you are.

But still, I know it's all my fault and that I need to improve myself. I get that. But for some reason I still haven't yet. I mean, obviously I haven't, or else I'd have a girlfriend. I only have myself to blame for that. So I beat myself up every day I remember that fact to punish myself, asking myself angrily why I'm not good enough yet.

And then every so often, when I start to feel good enough about myself after a few months of depressing Yil Yak messages and screaming and hitting, I'll find someone else and try to ask if they'd like to go out sometime. It always goes wrong of course. And how couldn't it? Clearly, as I'm always reminded, you didn't ask them out correctly. It needed to be a better situation, or I should have been more confident, or I should have asked her to a better place. That, or as I'm always reminding myself, I'm not a good enough person to deserve a girlfriend. Why do I keep thinking I deserve one, then? What makes me so entitled? Back to the beatings, with the knowledge in the back of your mind that the girl you asked out told all of her friends about the creepy guy that asked her out out of nowhere (to avoid trying to string her along through a friendship, as so many people here and everywhere else despise). She has the right, obviously. She's entitled to it. I'm not entitled to anything. And that's fine.

Occasionally I'll come back to subreddits like these, too, trying to think myself out of the whole issue. Maybe hearing about what these other people are doing wrong will help me not make these same mistakes. What you end up getting reassured of is that people who are insecure and feel like they need a girlfriend shouldn't get them. That you should just deal with having everyone think you're a weird, possibly homosexual, guy that doesn't want a girlfriend. That you need to "fake it 'till you make it!" and that, most importantly, feeling sorry for yourself is absolutely terrible. Don't ever start crying and talking like you're worthless, you "huge baby". Girls don't want that.

And they're right. Why would girls want that? They'd want someone a lot better that doesn't need to feel bad about themselves. Why do I feel bad about myself? I know it's not ok so why do I do it? Why did I write this to get everyone's pity? I really don't deserve a girlfriend. I'm ugly and I can't improve enough and I never will. And the beatings only make me cry more, which makes me hit myself more and I don't want to live like this