Oh, no! Babies everywhere Everybody's having babies! Crying and pissing and burping and spittin' and fussin' And shittin' while making you rue the day

Babies. Too many babies

Listen up everyone, here's the scoop Babies like to turn your money into poop Newborns all look like aliens They spawn on this planet and abduct your best friend

Sleep deprived, want to die, as I rock him to sleep Work all day, rinse, lather, then repeat Sing a lullaby while ignoring the smell Gotta keep the thing alive or you'll end up in jail

Babies will whine and cry All day and night What I'm trying to say is

I don't wanna have baby That's a "no," not a "maybe" Everybody says I'm crazy Cuz I don't wanna raise a baby

I may end up really lonely But at least I'm not a daddy I don't wanna clean up vomit Or wipe off a poopy heiny

Oh, YEAH! I can get a vasectomy! Denying parents grandbabies Sisters and brothers and fathers and mothers And aunties and uncles all push me to reproduce

Chew toys do not pacify

Listen up, everyone, here's the deal You're not the one that's gonna end up paying the bills Parenthood's a prison of barf and tears A mandatory minimum of 18 years

Overpopulation is rising too So let's add another mouth to compete for food Take a good look at me, tell me now Do we really need another me running around?

Babies will break the bank And crush your dreams What I'm trying to say is

I don't wanna have a baby That's a "no", not a "maybe" Pay someone to sterilize me That will ensure I have no baby

I think I'd rather have rabies Than to rear a human baby All the money I'd be saving Could buy a robot or a puppy

So much poop Too much pee No free time No more sleep Kill me

(Baby Noises)