What's up is that one day all the color was just lost from the world. I don't have any tragic past or anything. I had great parents who are still together. I had a great childhood. My financial aid gives me the opportunity to do literally whatever I want.

But one day everything just stopped. I just didn't have the ability to enjoy anything anymore. I can't enjoy music anymore. I can't enjoy nature anymore. I can't enjoy my friend's company anymore. I can't enjoy games anymore. I can't enjoy learning anymore. My intellect and creativity and altruism all disappeared. It all culminated to the next time I hugged my mother and felt absolutely nothing. My grandfather died and I felt nothing, and I'm terrified that if my parents or my brother or a close friend of mine dies, I'll just feel nothing.

Everything just turned into a fog. Like half of my brain is intoxicated. I'm always on edge, like I need to be somewhere at every moment, like I need to find something that will make all this tension go away but then I remember that nothing will help. I haven't found any rest for two years now. I don't even feel rested after I sleep.