I will be brutally honest, but it's only because I sympathize with you and want the best. Forgive me if this sounds harsh.

I really feel that you should discuss your feelings with a therapist. In general, your feelings are all normal, but perhaps a bit more extreme than they could be. It's not your fault; you're under a tremendous amount of stress. It can be difficult to discuss these things, and you'll feel more vulnerable than ever, but keep in mind that the therapist has heard it all before... and therapists tend to wind up in that line of work because they've experienced all these things themselves before and they want to help. For all we know, you may have clinical depression and would benefit from long-term consistent medication. While I'm not in that camp, a good portion of my friends are, and once you find a medication that compliments your body, you'll feel a lot better. (From what I've heard, it can be a little tricky to find the right drug... it's trial and error, I believe.)

As you know all too well, being a parent is unbelievably stressful. It's hard enough taking care of ourselves, let alone a spouse, let alone children. After all, spouses are basically children. Hell, we're all children deep down. Some days, it feels nearly impossible. On the other hand, when you feel like you're at the very bottom, the only place to go is up.

I like to think to myself: "This too shall pass." And time marches on, so it does pass. Problems come and they go. Some remain, but some disappear and others appear and those disappear and on and on.

The fact is that you had your children a little younger than some people choose to these days, but there's nothing wrong with that at all. The good news is that when they get big and go off to college or whatever good stuff life has in store for them, you'll be young enough to enjoy life and watch them do their things.

At the end of the day, there is much more to life than where you are now. And you'll get there. Just need to keep the faith and keep on keeping on and get help when you need it.

Jobs suck, but just remember that they are means to an end... and by that I mean, don't expect to find fulfillment in your job. You probably won't. I think a good scenario would be to find a job that you absolutely don't hate with at least a few coworkers who are decent. I think most of the stories about people who find their dreams buried in their day jobs are mythical, fairytale stories.

/my ramblings. Life sucks sometimes, but sometimes it's pretty good. Sometimes you gotta adjust your definition of what "pretty good" is. Sometimes it's just "okay."

I don't think you actually hate being a mom. I think you hate the stress. You are in good company with that!!

Now, go play with your toddler's toes and enjoy it for 5 minutes. That's an order!!