I usually don't find myself commenting on posts such as this, but something is telling me that I need to write this:
I went through a very tough decision similar to the one that you are making with I found out that I had gotten someone pregnant and I wanted to share my story with you. The story:
I am a 27 year old male. I helped a friend of mine from work move and after the move we went out to the bar and had some drinks and one thing led to another and she ended up at my place. Fast forward a few weeks later, and I get the call from her that we need to talk. I stopped by her place in the morning and sit down on the couch. I'll never forget the look in her eyes and the way that she cried when she said "I'm pregnant." My entire world crashed down in the few seconds that followed. My mind raced with thoughts. How could this have happened? How will my life possibly go on? I don't even like this girl, let alone love her. How could we possibly be good parents to a child when they were conceived like this? We talked about our options and what we were going to do. I know that an abortion was on both of our minds, but neither one of us could muster up the words to express the thought. I left her house that day, broken, scared, sad, and confused. We agreed that we both needed a day to process. She had made an appointment at the OBGYN and I told her that I would meet her the next morning and go to the appointment with her.
I was basically a shell of a man for the next 24 hours. I tried to do my job, but my mind was 100% on news that I had heard and the decision that I was going to have to make. My shallow self drove to her apartment the following morning, picking her up, and accompanying her at her appointment. The appointment was too much for me, the nurses and doctors seemed so happy and cheerful talking about our little "bundle of joy" and confirming the news that she was pregnant. They gave us a plastic bag and filled it with pamphlets and forms and trifolds about all the things that you need to know about a new pregnancy. I could probably count on one hand how many works I spoke between the time that I picked her up and the when that we left the office. I was shell shocked. How could they assume that this was a happy moment for us?
I drove her back to her place and we both went inside. We opened the bag and divided up all of our pamphlets into two stacks and each read through our halves on the couch. My eyes were scrolling the lines of information about this "wonderful" pregnancy, but my mind was in another place. "How will I tell everyone at work what has happened? What about my parents? Nobody knows about this, I can sweep this all under the rug with a termination of pregnancy and each go our separate ways and continue living our normal lives." Yes, that's the answer. I know that she is thinking it too. If I play my cards right, I might be able to get her to bring it up. Then it's her idea, therefore her choice, and I don't even have to live with this on my conscious.
We continue reading. About halfway through the stack she looked and me and must have been able to visually tell that my mind was up to something. "What's wrong?", she asked. I told her I didn't know if I was ready for this. "What do you mean?", she asked. I was silent. She continue pressing, "What do you mean?" I just sat there quietly, not being able to form the words to say that I didn't think that we should go through with the pregnancy. She stood up and, because of her mix of anger, fear, and probably some agreement, yelled, "You don't even need to say anything, if both us don't agree on having this baby then it's not worth bring it into this world. I'm going to work and when I get out I'm calling the doctor and getting this 'thing' taken care of and we can each go our separate ways"
She stormed out of her apartment, leaving me there alone. Victory? I guess I got what I wanted, I can keep on living my life like I always had and this whole thing will go way on it's own.
That's when it all hit me, and my heart changed like a switch. I tried to stop her but it was too late, she was gone. I drive home realizing the impact of the decision that was just made. All of my fears, my performance at my job, my ability to continue to live my bachelor life, the heartbreak that my parents will have when I break the news, and many more. All piled together they seemed like to much to overcome, but when I broke them all down they seemed rather silly. Could I really give up my son or daughter because I am afraid of what my boss might think? Is it really more important to go out to bars at night than to be a father? No. Not to me.
I got home and fired off a quick text to her, "We need to talk." We agreed to meet again in the morning. I told her that I couldn't go through with the abortion. She felt the same way and we made the decision that we were going to be a mother and father to our child the best that we could given the circumstance that we were in.
Fast forward to today. My beautiful daughter turns 7 months tomorrow! And we are such proud parents! I look back at all of the fears that I had and even though they all seemed insurmountable at the time, we made it through each one. I can almost laugh at how small of an impact they had in retrospect. My parents are probably the happiest grandparents in the world, my work was understanding of the situation and it all was pretty much a non issue, and although I miss my bachelor life from time to time, I am much prouder as a father.
I understand that this is your choice and if you decide to have an abortion, I understand because at one point I did feel the way that you did. But if i can leave you with one thing, it is this: I look at your situation and I see a lot of short term fears. Emotion, time, career, money. Understand that these seem like surmountable obstacles now, but I can guarantee that you will find a way through them. It may not be easy but the hard times will pass, and as a parent I cannot express the joy that you feel when your child lights up at even the sound of your voice because she knows that you are near.
Also some background on her. She was in a similar living situation growing up. Her father was abusive to her mother and her brothers. I understand how a situation like that is detrimental to a family and a child. Know this: you are not your father. Your finance is not your father. You and your fiance are very loving, and neither one of you will make the decisions that your father made. You are not him, your child will never view you like him.
If you would like to talk to the mother of my daughter, feel free to PM me and I can get you her number. She will be glad to talk to you regardless of which decision that you end up making.