I upfront want to thank you for your message before I get into replying to everything in your comment (Because finally being able to talk about everything is really cathartic). It seems weird (Or maybe not) but it means a lot to me that a few people on here care, and the fact that you took the time to point out red flags to me is something I probably wouldn't be able to do because like I said in the original post this is all the bad, and all the bad things don't happen at once but they add up overtime. Plus I'm just really bad at noticing red flags period, I'm really forgiving, and this guy is quick to apologize for things. And sometimes trying to analyze the relationship through a "bad" lense just makes me feel like I'm crazy because I know I do have jealousy and trust issues so I might be extrapolating things--and that maybe these sorts of things are normal and I'm just overreacting.
Just a warning this might get TMI, and I'm not expecting a response but airing everything out is doing a lot to make me feel better all about this.
He wants me to just drop a lot of things to be with him. A while back when I was looking for a job, and taking courses he kept saying how that's how his last relationship ended was because she didn't have time for him and he was worried that the same would happen with me. I was supposed to see him a while ago, and the whole time leading up was a major guilt trip of him having to wait to see me (As if I wasn't waiting too). He got mad when I said I couldn't. He finally offered to buy me a ticket to see him, and if I accepted I would have been 100% dependent on him for everything because I don't have cash at hand to spend on a hotel and I'm too young to rent a car. He gave me the silent treatment for a day after he got the news before that was me trying to figure out what was going on in his head, when asked if we were still okay, and what he wanted to do all I got back was I don't know and then straight radio silence until he finally broke it with I don't want to lose you. My biggest fear is that say we meet and say I visit multiple times--living together, being there 24/7 is still loads different. Not having a safety net is loads different. He had the oppurtunity to move out near me, but he didn't. And at one point blamed me for not moving near me. Even though I said nothing but make sure that's what you want to do. Because putting someone in a situation where they don't have a safety net or social circle isn't something I'd want to do. And I honestly don't know what I would do if eventually I moved and then we did end up breaking up. I would be 3000 miles from anyone I know, and I wouldn't be able to afford rent by myself so unless I moved in with strangers I'm not sure what options I would have.
I tried a lot to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. Because maybe he felt awkward saying he does have a girlfriend just not one he's met in person. But if someone asked me my gut reaction would have been to say I'm taken.
I don't even have an excuse for this this one beyond being naive. I felt betrayed, I felt so hurt. But I thought maybe they were just friends at first but when he started defending the realtionship, and with her saying the two of them were best friends--I probably should have known better even though now he has since deleted her, even though it took two days of him saying he would.
That's another thing I worry about. He says a lot of things but doesn't follow through. He said during x-mas he was going to send me something but never did (I honestly would have been overjoyed even if it was a card or letter). He said he forgot (Same reason he gives for why doesn't call anymore because we always just message back and forth), and then it was his car getting broken into and things getting stolen, and work kept him too preoccupied. He asked me for my address not to long ago, I thought he was trying to be cute and surprise me with something. He was literally just trying to use me as a reference for a loan. And it's not like I haven't ever got him anything. I made sure he got a package with things on his birthday.
I know that. I can't even get him to change his status on Facebook to taken...But he tries to reassure me that everyone who matters knows were dating, and that when we meet he will change it. He hasn't given me anything but his word that he cares and at this point I don't even know how much that is worth. I know if I push for anything there's a chance he will get fed up. Or just make promises but not follow through.