Hi there! Your cross post was flooded with responses and made the front page! I am posting my reply here so I'm not buried. Male here. I have never been stalked but went through a rough breakup with my ex where I definitely entered a gray area. My emotions and fears began to direct my actions. I acted way out of character but I learned a lot and maybe I can offer some hindsight. I remember the first day we broke up She decided to tell me that She was seeing someone else. She wanted time to make a decision. She wanted the luxury of trying another guy before She bought him. I believed I was in no position to do anything about it. I should have just walked away on the first day. I realise now that She was actually done with me before she made the decision to tell me about him. I could see this at the time but we had grown together in the 5 years we shared and it was difficult for me to just accept that our lives together were over and I needed to just be on my way. I was a renter at the time and had paid my rent for the month. It was not illegal to be showing up at her place but it was a terrible idea. I had not been able to sleep for 3 days and we had made an agreement. After 5 days we would talk. I had become a complete mess after 4 days and I decided to just count the first night as a whole day. I showed up at our old house and let myself in with my key. Luckily she was not there at the time but this was not the five days she had in mind. Shit hit the fan later when she heard I had showed up. I walked into our bed room and she had bought an all new bed set for our king size. Other than the bed everything of mine had disappeared. I immediately regret not packing my things on the first day. I found our room mate and she told me my ex had been having this other man over. Something in my head snapped and I decided I would do whatever it took to win her back. Unfortunately for me I was in a no win situation. The next three days I showed up twice. I tried to win her over but I was running on about 6 hours of sleep for the whole week so it was a shit show. I mostly cried and begged. After a week I had been driving for most of our time apart. I have never covered so much ground. I drove to towns I had never been before. I was not willing to accept defeat by crashing at my parents and I didn't want to have to explain everything to them. I probably wouldn't have been able to fall asleep anyways I was stressed beyond anything I have felt before. Finally I went to confront her once and for all. She had continued to float the idea of getting back with me for the whole week and finally I needed an answer. I can't explain how distraught I was. I ended up driving back and forth passed the house waiting for her to show up. When she finally did she had her new man with her. Honestly this may have been one of the only things that made it real for me. When I pulled in the driveway I thought about blocking her car with mine but I didn't want her to ram my car. I would not have put it passed her. I decided it was a bad idea so I just pulled in next to them. The second she spotted me they both got straight back in her car and so I got out and ran around the back of her car. I was pleading with her and telling the guy "you can't do this!" and all that garbage. She started backing up so I pounded on the trunk a few times. I was prepared to stand there like an idiot but finally something in me just gave up. I just realised anything I do now is probably just gonna bring them closer together. I had gone from living with my best friend for 5 years, to some asshole standing alone in his ex girlfriends driveway. I watched them both drive off and I have made no attempt to see her since then. Honestly the main problem that I see now was that I was still thinking of her as my girl. It was like I thought that part of the equation couldn't be wrong. I just needed to get her to realise how we fit together. I thought she was just needing to be convinced or reminded that we were supposed to be together. Not the case. In reality I had been dealing with a square peg in a round hole situation. I just needed to see that She really didn't want to be with me anymore. She might not have been to the point of accepting her decision then. Dragging out the inevitable just because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings usually backfires. I regret everything about that week. I regret everything I did to make her want to get away from me. It really is tragic that while I had every intention to make things better every decision was made based on fear and it usually blew up in my face. People want good things for themselves and the people that they care about but they don't always do good to try and achieve good. I try and make sure not to do bad things and expect good will come. It was very hard to ignore my bad thoughts that week because I became so desperate for results I was willing to try anything. I would have resorted to some pretty nasty shit. I have a lot of sympathy for your entire situation. I feel bad for your husband because he probably didn't realise how much he gave a shit. I feel bad that you have kids who will get front row seats to whatever shit show ultimately develops. I feel bad for your parents for having to deal with what probably appears to them to be an over reaction from you in reguards to his intrusion. You are dealing with a very volitale situation though. It is likely going to have much greater psychological ramifications than physical. My advice to you is; -Continue to distance yourself from him as much as you can physically afford to without leaving your kids behind.
-Try not to treat him like an enemy for your kids sake. They still have to see him and call him dad. They won't like hearing you two trash each other.
-You need to focus on developing a professional type relationship with him because you can't make your separation more important then your kids. Most parents can agree to put the kids first even if they both hate each other.
-Try to park in a garage if available. He won't be able to know if you are home at first glance. It also ensures that you are safe in your car before you have to leave your house. Clean out the garage if you need to.
-Look into dashcams. If you own your own car you have every right to install a full time dash cam. Plenty are available online that come with night time recording. Then you just park with your house in view.
-GET A GUN! Don't fall victim to the sexist belief that wemon can't handle handguns. Go out and get yourself a concealed weapons permit and you can find a good handgun for under 500 dollars. Take some rounds to the range. Sleep with it under your pillow!
-You both are going to have to mature. Try to mature more.
I applaud your decision to leave an abusive situation. I wish you luck but you gotta know there are things you can do so you don't end up in an unlucky situation.