I am 29.

It is hard to specify the biggest problem, since there seem to be so many of them. I had a tumor in my jaw when I was 12, which had to be removed but reappeared when I was 20. Almost half of my lower jaw had to be removed and was replaced with bone tissue from my hip. I had years filled with exhausting and terrifying surgeries and was very scared of them. In the end the doctors did an amazing job, and my face looks normal today. I lived together with my dad during this time (my family situation is very troubled, I was kicked out by my mother when I was 12). 5 years ago I was studying but still living at home with him. One day I found several letters addressed to me, but hidden in a closet. A whole bunch of repeated reminders to pay bills and three arrest warrants with my name on them. I had no idea what was going on. When my dad came home I was standing there surrounded by letters, crying and asking him what he had done. He had used the money of my insurance (for the complicated and long surgeries by the professor for dentofacial surgery and weeks of hospital treatment) for himself and did not pay my bills. He also used my signatures for other frauds and continuously lied to the court officer that I was too sick and unable to speak to him as that court officer later told me. I had been suspecting that something was wrong (for instance 4 weeks earlier my grandma had told me that she had listened to a phone conversation of my dad.. he was crying... and told the other person on the phone he did not know what to do and that "we have to use my daughters name again.")... but this completely devastated me. I knew that he had debts, but I never thought he would use me to help himself. I can never go to that specific hospital again in the case my tumor reappears. They did an amazing job, no other hospital had believed that such a successful outcome would have been possible. I cannot get a credit or even a phone contract. I am highly indebted because of this. And totally lost trust in my dad, which I always loved very very much. He is a stranger to me since then. And I don´t know if he had ever been the person I thought he would be. The next day I received a call from my grandma that our renter had called her since my father had not been paying the rent for one year (my father had been reassuring him, that he would be able to pay again... I don´t know how he managed to convince him of such a long time) and that we had to get out of the house by tomorrow, since we were being evicted. I knew nothing of this. Still, I organized friends to get our stuff out. My father was sitting in his room, skyping. As it turned out he had arranged a job for him in the US... we are German and it was always his dream to go to the States, since he blamed our state for his failure as a lawyer. After me and my friends had cleared our furniture out I stayed with them and started to live in the living room of two friends. My father stayed with my grandma. Our furniture was in a storing place of friends. The next week I drove him to the airport and he took of to Las Vegas. This was 5 years ago. I have never seen him since. I think he has mental problems. He believes he did everything he did for "us" and wants to become successful in America to pay back the debts. But nothing happened and I am sure that nothing will happen. I did an assertion under oath that I am currently not able to pay the debt. Nevertheless it is still there and once I finish studying I will have to pay. Everyone advised me against suing my dad, since he is in the US, has no money and creditors would not care that it had not been me. I even tried to tell the police, but they also told me that there was next to nothing I could do.
My dad lives in Vegas under poor conditions and told my grandma that he has severe health problems with his prostate. Of course he is not health insured. I hadn't spoken to him for years, but called him two weeks ago when I found out about his health. I told him that I want him to repair our relationship. At least to try. That 5 years have passed and that we are wasting time. He told me that... who knows... maybe we will never see each other again. I fell in love with a man two years ago, who is much older than me and convinced me that he would help me get back my lost trust in life. That I should trust him and that he would always be there for me. That now the bad things lie in the past. That he loved me very much. I was suspicious that something was wrong with him. But I wanted to believe him. I needed to believe him. I feel and felt so empty inside and wanted him to make me feel alive again. To make me trust again. He was living with his best friend as he told me. It turned out it was an open relationship. The girl herself told me after he had been living in a relationship with both of us for a year. My boyfriend is highly narcissistic and blamed me for even talking to his "best friend", even though she approached me to tell me the truth. He ended the relationship with her and we are still together. I know he doesn't love me. When he is mad at me he says things like "one day he will be off to Las Vegas too". That I am damaged. He says things like that because he knows that they hit hard. Nevertheless I am scared to lose him. I know that this is wrong but he has me under total control. I still want to believe the lies he told me... because they meant so much to me. And when I behave like he wants me to he treats me like he would really love me. But deep down I know he doesn't. When I was seven I was abducted from a theme park and raped but let free by my rapist, who told me he was a cop and wanted to help me find my dad, whom I had lost 20 minutes earlier. I had a very troubled childhood because I was highly traumatized. Trusting people has been a problem my whole life. Even though I try... they always seem to disappoint me.

... Sorry for the long read. Writing all this actually felt like a relief. I also wanted to say that my friends now me as a happy person and always tell me that I am very inspiring to them for being able to keep my optimism. But I think I have lost my optimism.