I couldn't really get into that Easy Way book, I thought it was trite. I did give it a fair shot. I bought it for my dad the Christmas before he was diagnosed with cancer and he had said he wanted to quit. And he tried and he couldn't. He tried the patch, and the lozenges and cold turkey and Chantix and that book and time after time he tried but he never quit. I remember him smoking up until literally the day he died. Like one of the last things he did before hospice got there was smoke a cigarette. Or try at least.

I read his copy of that book a couple times and the whole time I just couldn't shake off that image of my dad burning up the carpet from falling asleep while smoking, all withered away and dying at age 56. In less than a year from being diagnosed with cancer after being some big strong guy who worked manual labor in the trades his whole life. And that didn't even do it for me. So it's been like 3 years since then and I'm just getting around to seriously quitting and it's for a bunch of shallow, vain reasons because death is still so abstract and far away to me but the other reasons are concrete. But that's what works for me so I'm sticking with that.

Honestly I don't really think I will ever have the mindset that I didn't give something up though. Despite all that other stuff I just said. I gave up a habit I enjoyed because as I'm getting older it wasn't compatible with my lifestyle. In the same way I can't go to the bar until 2 am and then go to work at 8 and not feel like shit, and how now that I'm edging closer to 40 I can't eat whatever I want with no consequences. I know that breakroom donut is going to give me heartburn so I skip it just like as of 3 days ago I don't smoke anymore. And all those things I enjoyed and I was a little sad to give up but they're just not for me anymore.

Those were the good old days when I could live like that and they were sure fun, but they're over. That doesn't mean I can't feel a little nostalgic for them ever, even if I can't do that to my body anymore or I'm going to go out just like he did and I don't want that. There's pleasure in other stuff anyway. Just a different kind.

So I probably won't ever be one of those gung ho "quitting smoking is sooo wonderful" people and that's ok with me. I already accepted I can't do it anymore. Maybe I'm the wrong person to answer this question?

I do like money and I don't want to get all wrinkly and toothless before my time so there's that and it works for me. I think it's ok for everyone to have different motivations to quit. That's what's driving me, that and I want to live long enough to retire to someplace warm where it never snows and see my daughter graduate from college and maybe make me some grandkids that I can spoil and annoy her. Not dying in a lounge chair trying to smoke a cigarette while my organs are shutting down.

Anyway, tl;dr, I'm feeling kind of philosophical today...

You seem pretty committed to quitting to me even if you're craving smokes right this moment because you're still here instead of going out and getting some. So what was it that made you decide to stop smoking in the first place? Is any of that stuff still relevant?