Now, with paragraphs!
My lunch shift began like any other mid-week lunch shift would begin, but something was up. Deep down I had this feeling, this feeling as if something was wrong as I was clocking in.
The teenage hostess who doesn’t quite get it comes up to me to inform me that I have been double sat. “Great!” I reply, “How long have they been here?” “About seven minutes” she says. Seven minutes seem to be too accurate of a time for it be correct. So I grab my hot towel put on my Hey I didn’t just drink all night and woke up a little late to not take a shower face.
I head on over to the first table. A party of 5 where they were in a rush due to eagerness to shop at the local outlet mall. “I completely understand, 4 Roy Rodgers and a Shirley Temple coming right up.”
On my way to grabbing the first table’s drink I figured I would stop by the party of two because, hey it’s a party of two how bad could they be? Very difficult. How difficult you ask? Let me rant on. “Hi there folks how we doing today?” “I’m about to go to court how the hell do you think I’m doing?” says the scraggly husband while looking at his wife with disgust. “Wow, Well I think your feeling hungry so what can I get for you to eat?” The overly large greasy woman looks up at me with disgust “We aren’t ready to order yet! Also I’m allergic to everything on your menu! What’s up with that?!”
At this point I thought someone was playing a joke on me, hiring these actors to come in and try to mess with me. That was until the woman hacked up half her lungs into her hands and asked for a napkin now! On my way back from grabbing the drinks for table of five and some napkins/waters for the mucus queen, the mucus queen grabs my apron and says all I’m going to have is a chicken sandwich with no seasoning and nothing on it. Confused I say okay while taking a few steps back out clawing position.
Then I ask her what I would be safe to assume is her husband “And for you sir?” “I want your house soup (we don’t have house soup) and where is my spinach dip?” He replies. “You never ordered spinach dip sir.” “Yes I did when that kid (points to the host) sat us here I asked her how was your spinach dip? And she said it was really good. I want some spinach dip”
At this point I’m actually just excited what was going to happen next with this table. So excited in fact I invite every single server to stop by and “Check” on my table just to see these wonderful specimens. You better believe every time someone went and checked on them they needed something and a mystery item wasn’t received. I finally get their spinach dip out minutes before their special allergic order.
After getting my normal table all settled they begin to ask what the deal was with my other table. “Who them? Oh they’re just angels and I love them” (sarcasm was laid on thick) “Oh, because we overheard them talking about how they were planning on skipping out on the check. As they couldn’t be any more problems with the table I wasn’t going to get paid for my misery. I say thanks for the heads up and inform the hostess to be on guard. I immediately head to print their check and give it to them. Mucus queen thought it would be necessary to inform me they weren’t ready for their check. I give her an excuse that it’s almost shift change and I was heading out but I couldn’t leave before they paid out. The husband oddly pulls out his wallet and places a credit card on the table. “Hear!” he mutters.
Taken back by this move I take the card to my manager (who has been in the loop with table since the beginning) to check and see if it is fact legit. It ends up being his real card runs fine. I print the check for the party of five then I bring the card back with their receipt. The spinach dip was taken off due to it not being “late” Whatever. The man quickly signs it and they are out. After going to pre-bus the table I look up to watch them leave and guess who ran out on the check? Party of Five.