Most people attempt suicide several times before being successful, be aware of any possible health consequences if you fail. I hope you change your mind; although I do share some of your feelings about my own life.

I've learned that life is periods of dark times and seemingly small but wonderful times. I know that if I can survive the dark times then eventually I'll get one of those short lived wonderful times. I live only for this moment, today, and I try not to think past it. Once you start thinking too far into the future it's easy to not see hope. And really our small minds can't think 20 steps ahead in chess, let alone 5 years ahead in life.

Do what you have to do to survive. Happiness is not about having a college degree. Happiness is about the people we know, even if it's just finding one person who loves you, even if it's only temporary, it's worth it. If you don't know people then study someone who's popular and fake it till you make it. If you have to drop out of college to survive then choose to drop out instead of die. If you have the courage to end yourself then find the courage to try something else without assuming you'll fail.

“I bought a gun and chose drugs instead.” –Kurt Cobain

Depressed guy right? But he lived a little bit longer and found a little more joy before he died because he did heroin. And in the end the drugs made it worse, but he got some more of those short lived wonderful times. That's what it's about, those fleeting moments of happiness. I may one day end it all, it's likely, but so far I've made it into my mid 30s by living this philosophy.

I'm pretty nihilistic so I don't know why I'm writing this, but so it goes.