when i was 17 i was introduced to a 40 year old man through a friend. she used to buy weed from him and i went along with her because she said how cool he was.

he looked generally dishevelled, like a stereotypical "chronic" smoker, and he had a strong hippie vibe. this was about 1989, so hippies were kind of cool again.

she had to leave quickly but i stayed behind. i got talking to him quite in-depth and he sold himself as a kind of guru. i probably stayed a few hours. he invited me to come back again, and i did so the following week. it became a regular thing.

eventually he tried to teach me to play the tamboura (he made a point of getting annoyed at my attempts and telling me that everything i did was wrong). i couldn't tell what i was doing wrong, but i had no background in music so it sounded all the same to me. he was always trying to come across like an expert to me, and it worked.

eventually he also invited me to come along for a Transcendental Meditation meeting. he gave me all of these photocopied information sheets that said how we were supposed to meditate at the same time every day to bring about world peace. i think it was 5:30 pm or something, i can't remember.

i went along and it was awkward. there was incense burning in this dark bedroom and we sat crosslegged in a circle on the floor. about 5 other people attended, all middle-aged hippie types.

he had given me some rough guidelines of how to go about it but it wasn't great instruction. i ended up sitting there wishing it was over the whole time. he had said that i didn't need to do it for too long the first time around, but i was so uncomfortable and confused about what i was doing that i stayed in the room longer than anyone. i wanted to impress him. he kind of rolled his eyes at me when i came out.

soon after that, i visited his house again alone. he did a kind of aura massage on me and then carried me up the stairs to his bedroom. he initiated sex and told me that my aura was seriously damaged if i had gotten turned on by that.

he couldn't really get it up and said it was because my body didn't turn him on (i was thin and flat chested). i knew it probably had more to do with the daily weed smoking and unhealthy lifestyle. i awkwardly put my clothes back on and left. i never went back again