Yea she has to change. At least, if you two are going to last, that is. Why should you change while she doesn't?

Don't think of it as normal vs not normal, right bs wrong, healthy vs unhealthy, etc. the truth of the matter is the two of you are very mismatched in terms of intimacy. And, from what it sounds like, this is going to be a huge issue for you and you simply won't be happy. It's that simple. There's really only three outcomes here:

1 - you put up with it and end up unhappy, and continue to spoil her with attention and back rubs, and eventually realize you're being taken advantage of for nothing in return. (When is the last time you got a back rub?).

2 - you split up, now or later.

Or, 3 - the ideal solution: you two find a way to be happy together. That will take compromise in both directions, but relationships aren't always easy. But you can't sacrifice intimacy, because you know you won't be happy without it and that isn't fair to you.

I cringe at the idea of you doing everything for her in hopes that it makes her want to have more sex. What will she being for you in return? Do you really think her having the power to not put out AND you'll still do everything she wants will make her want to change? It won't, man. Sounds like you're making all of the sacrifices here and she's not doing anything differently. Your plan to stop flirting with her and expressing your love and attraction towards her marks the beginning of the end, unfortunately. If you want to fix this, you need to be firm and there will be consequences if she can't find a way to make you happy. She's gaining control while you lose your dignity.