Hey there, I saw your post and wanted to respond. First, I'm so sorry you are in that situation, relationship and marriage. It seems as if you value yourself and your needs but your partner has not done any of those to you, for you or even himself without a blanket expectation that you will fill a certain role. The valentine's (lack) of trying to even be kind to you on a human level is shocking and sad. I think regardless of any intimacy, your partner should understand your value as a person and the friendship that you have.
It was nice to see you stood up.for yourself and set boundaries, I don't think that is often done without compromising oneself. It also seems like he projects his issues, inabilities and lack of care onto you and gaslight's you. In reality he cannot cope with feelings or when you bring these things up because he doesn't have the maturity or see you as worth while enough to give you that openness and transparency.
I'm a 36m also married and also in a DB with other issues in my relationship. I'm also a professional in counseling so when I read some of these posts I see it just as a person like we all are who is also in a similar situation and also from a nonjudgmental professional side. I'm glad you've tried to get help for your marriage and I'm sorry he isn't putting forth the effort you are. In my marriage I'm you and my wife is like your husband in certain ways.
Just know you aren't alone. I'm here if you ever want to vent or talk. Non judgemental, open, empathetic and sympathetic.