My mom died in a very awful way, and it haunts me still to this day. It's hard to get over your mom grabbing you by the shoulders with blood coming out her nose and her shouting "Where is (your name)?!? Where is (your name)?!?" I was home alone with her and had no idea what to do or anyone I could call for help whilst she tore through the house freaking out. After the paramedics arrived, she went to the hospital and died. Never got those last goodbye moments, final talk, nothing. My last moment with her was that horrifying morning.

I'd had nightmares of that morning on a daily basis for months on end. And I never thought people actually cried in their sleep & woke up screaming, always thought that was just in the movies, but then it happened for me.

I still have a hard time getting out of bed, eating, and overall functioning. But I try my best cause I know she wouldn't want me to throw my life away. And every day it gets a little easier, but there will always be this big missing part of me. I lost a mother, my best friend & my hero. She won't get to see me graduate, get married, my kids won't get to meet her. It really fucking sucks.

I guess what I'm saying is you'll heal over time, but you will never feel whole again.