I've typed and re-typed this a dozen times before sending it because I want to find the correct way to phrase it.
The scariest thing in life is not death. Though the fear of death is controlling of decisions we make, it's often painless and quick. Our bodies are programmed to numb a lot of pain. Our bodies can make it euphoric in some sense. The 'white light' somebody is revived to talk about.
Death is not scary. What's scary is living a life so wonderful that thousands of people cry at the thought that we can no longer share it with you. It's scary how I've got friends whose Facebooks I visit every week to see them. No statistics or news reels. Actual faces with actual wives who have to actually find a way to raise their actual kids.
I had the privilege of speaking at the funeral of the greatest man I ever met. That was scary. I had to explain to his two sons who their father was as a friend. I had to explain that they will grow up facing challenges but embedded deep within was their father's resolve to overcome those challenges.
I had to explain to his wife who'd been crying tirelessly since she was notified of his death that though she feels weak and vulnerable and has more questions than answers, she is the strongest woman I know. That's scary. It's scary how much will she has to press on despite all of her dreams of a family with him are forever in memories.
The scariest things I've seen had nothing to do with a near death experience or stressful gunfight or air support not coming or losing comms when we're getting shit on.
The scariest part is how beautiful people are who wait in the airport to welcome home people they've never met and having my hair stand up when I smell fresh cut grass in Baltimore. Seeing a soldier regain the ability to walk and live life again. The fact that people's kids send me beef jerky with cards they drew. It's scary to me that the human species is capable of such love.
I used to hate when people thanked me for serving. It felt wrong, like I didn't do anything for them. Like while I was fighting, I was fighting for my brothers and not their freedom. Yet they still held their hands out to thank me. Often veterans themselves who understood me without saying a word.
The scariest thing I experienced in the military was how beautiful people I've met are, in the darkest of places.