You know, you really got me thinking more about this subject, particularly on how I perceive criminals differently depending on their race, and I want to write it out. I've caught this tendency in my head and I have asked myself why before. So, warning, this will be long and maybe rambling. Racism is such a complex concept when you start to break down your own perception of other races. Bear with me while I examine this. P.S. I truly mean no offense at all with anything I'm about to say. I think honesty is best when aiming to understand one another and I'll take my downvotes if I need to.

Example of what I mean about my own perceptions:

• White guy shoots a gas station attendant during a robbery and I think "What a piece of shit." I just assume they did it due to socioeconomic status because it was a run of the mill crime. vs.
• Black guy shoots a gas station attendant during a robbery and I think "What a piece of shit." I just assume they did it due to socioeconomic status of their community because it was a run of the mill crime.

What is the difference, you ask? Well, when I think about the black criminal in this scenario, I shake my head and bemoan the widespread issues in the black community. Meaning I generally will associate this one black criminal's background with the wider black community. I do not do this with the white criminal. My ... I don't even know what to call it ... tells me the white guy's problem is individual, while the black guy's problem is a group one.

I don't like this tendency and I'm not sure where it came from. I will say that I'm from New Orleans, LA, a city which is something like 80% black. It is true that most violent crime there is committed by black people- but that would be because, duh, the city is mostly black people. I imagine my perception has something to do with that. But that's no excuse for me. I am working on that, promise.

I've caught myself with the following thoughts/biases/perceptions:

• "Why doesn't the black community get just as pissed off when a black man kills another black man? I don't see Al Sharpton at funerals for victims of black on black crime!"
• "What is wrong with all these protesters?? This is a cop brutality problem not a race problem!" < This, though, I will qualify with the fact that I think the Mike Brown shooting was justified, some of the protesters acted in a manner against their interests, and that there were plenty of "better" cases to be the face of the protests. However, what's odd is that I KNOW people get racially profiled. I don't deny that. But that thought still occurred anyway.
• White kid shoots up his school, I think "mental illness". Black kid shoots up his school, I think "gangs or some drug conflict".

I'm sure I can think of more examples but my post is getting long enough. What is so strange to me about my own perceptions is that they truly don't spill over into how I treat black people. They're simply a mental reflex or something. For example, my husband's (ex) best friend was a black man and he lived with us for a while. He was schizophrenic and at the time was at the age where it starts to really show up. We're not friends anymore because, ironically, he went off his meds and grabbed one of our guns and barricaded himself into his bedroom at our house. So it's not like I don't KNOW that black people can also be mentally ill. "Like wtf?" I ask myself. I don't know why I think these things, when I don't actually ... apply these thoughts in reality.

The craziest part is that I'M A MINORITY!! I'm a 27F and I'm not "white" in appearance. I have European (English, Italian, Portuguese), Arab (Palestinian), and Native American (Cherokee) blood. My mother is what Americans perceive as "white" in both appearance and culture. My father is what Americans might perceive as either "hispanic" (he's not) or "middle eastern" because he's very dark and has a strong foreign accent. So it's almost like I'm on the cusp of both racial experiences; culturally "white" but "minority" in appearance. I've been told things like, "You're so well spoken!" and I get constant refrains of "What are you?" But since I sound "white" once I open my mouth, my complexion isn't usually an issue that I'm aware of. It's kind of an interesting thing to be on the receiving end of both racism and being a member of the majority. I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is that basically my perceptions don't make any sense lol, unless I just put it down to my father being a full-blown racist but I don't think it's that simple either. But hopefully I said it in a way that was at least mildly interesting.

tl;dr Thanks for reading all that shit, you're very patient!