This one isn’t that bad, but jokingly accepting a condom from a friend at 17 sent me into a spiral that stripped me of my health, physically and mentally. Oops!
TL;DR - condom —> sex —> soul-crushing drama —> clinging to a bad relationship for over 2 years —> dated his roommate —> passing out in public from malnutrition. a positive: i met my current partner because of these events. Writing out the rest of this is largely cathartic but very wordy. :)
Weeks before leaving to begin university at 17, I accepted a condom jokingly from a friend. I was happily a virgin, but was otherwise hooking up with a guy. I didn’t think I’d be having sex, my friend didn’t think it either, but he jokingly gave me one and did the whole “You be safe now, kiddo” thing.
Next night, a switch flips, and I do actually end up having sex for the first time with the guy, which I wouldn’t have done if I didn’t conveniently have a condom in my purse.
The fallout of having sex with the guy, who was the son of a pastor (oops?) and couldn’t keep his mouth shut, was atrocious. So much drama. I soon left for college with no self-worth left. Emotional problems existed, but were totally exacerbated by the stupid fucking drama.
I started deriving self-worth from men, clung to the first guy who would give me attention (ended up lying his way into a one-night-stand that I didn’t think was a ONS). That ordeal led me to really cling to the next guy, we dated for over 2 years well into junior year of college. Never a good match - I have a lot I wish I could apologize for in that relationship.
Broke up with that guy about a year later than I should have because I didn’t really think I was worth anything without a guy. To further prove that point, I wound up matching with a guy who turned out to be my ex’s new roommate on tinder. I desperately thought that this was “fate” and decided to date this guy anyways.
I was 20, my new boyfriend is actually a 24 year year old recovering addict whose drug of choice was heroin, but had been on hard drugs from 15-23 and “didn’t do meth that much, maybe 25 times.” We bonded over hating over ourselves, and there were other funny coincidences tying our lives together that i delusionally figured supported the “fate” thing.
Turns out, he’s sober, but the rest of his life and coping skills are a mess. Longest 8 months of my life. I clearly had my own problems, but he had plenty as well - and we passively enabled eachother. When depressed, I eat less, and boy was I depressed. My new boyfriend could last a lot longer than I could without eating, and he didn’t feel like eating either, so we both just... didn’t eat. Enough of that led to me passing out in public from malnutrition.
I went to the school doctor to find out what’s up with me passing out, and they got me talking to a nutritionist, a therapist, and a psychiatrist. That help led me to dump my boyfriend because every time I tried to improve my own well-being, he dragged me back into the abyss.
One positive: a couple of months into dating the recovering addict, we went to a local game shop and started playing DnD with a group of strangers. I actually started dating one of those strangers 2ish months after i broke up with my last guy. Again, probably had to do with me being incapable of being single, but it actually turned out to be a really good relationship. That was over 2 years ago - I moved across the country for, and live with, DnD guy now. Best relationship I could have asked for, and I sure didn’t deserve it when I started it! Even if it doesn’t work out in the end for he and I, I’m very happy with my life now.