So, look, every couple negotiates housework differently, and there isn't one right answer that fits for everyone.

If you both worked, or if you had kids, or if you had a large number of other obligations, I would say that, of course he should be taking his dishes into the kitchen. It's a no-brainer.

But reading this post, and reading your husband's response, it doesn't sound like that's the case. It sounds like he's working 40+ hours a week and you're working 10, which, to me, makes his position sound a lot more reasonable.

I think you could solve some of this with better processes: put the hamper right there, so it's easy for him to put his clothes in it when he takes them off, that kind of thing. But at a certain point this is about whatever steps make the relationship more equitable, and right now it sounds really inequitable in your favor.

There is no iron clad "well of course one person always does X." You guys do what makes sense to make your relationship work.

That being said, some of the stuff you describe sounds like basic consideration. I'm sure there's a time during the day when he can bring his dishes into the kitchen that doesn't interrupt his flow. If you want the dishes in the kitchen before then, you can go do it yourself. If not, he can do it.

I also really don't like the way you describe him telling his side of the story as an attempt to "derail the conversation." That makes it sound like you're trying to put a thumb of the scales, i.e., "How can I frame this so that it is most favorable to me and least favorable to him." He's not derailing the conversation - he's actually talking about the issues.