Should I tell my bf I own a house?

“The thought of having to pay for both our lives forever is weighing on him”

Is he REALLY paying for your life though? You said you pay for your rent and basic expenses. So if he’s paying to go on dates, he isn’t supporting you or paying for your life, he is treating you so you can enjoy what he likes to do: eating at restaurants (expensive!!!!).

I personally do not like eating at restaurants on a regular basis because it’s way too expensive and cooking is easy and fun to do. If I was with a guy who started to act all high and mighty about taking me out to eat when HE is the one who loves to go out to eat, at this point in my life I would definitely break up with him. But that’s because I have already experienced that pattern in my first/only relationship. I did not want to buy as much restaurant food, but my ex-boyfriend did. He loved eating luxurious multi-course dinners with drinks, at the restaurant AND also take-out orders. I made it clear it wasn’t necessary to me at all and that I like simple home cooked meals.

Guess what happened at the end of the relationship? He super dramatically shouted at me “I spent $50,000 on this relationship!!!!!” Which is first of all NOT true at all, we barely did any big trips/events and my stupid ass paid for more than half of those events entirely. The only time he paid for anything was when it benefited him or if he wanted it. For instance events related to football or events where his friends would also be. Other trips that I set up just for us were completely paid for by me.

When my ex told me he “spent $50,000”, he was acting like going out to eat had bankrupted him, and I was to blame. Meanwhile, I didn’t even want to go out to eat, I wanted to save money and eat simple - I was ALWAYS saying “let’s just cook”. And yet when the relationship was over, he blamed everything on me.

By pushing the blame onto me, my ex was controlling the narrative around our relationship. By acting like I was some gold digger who spent his money (my family is wealthier than his so not remotely true), he was able to convince himself that I really was responsible for him being so irresponsible with his money all the time.

From your story, I see your boyfriend trying to control you on a deep level. You have only been dating 7 months. This is no time to combine finances, no matter what age you are. Young, old, it doesn’t matter. Do NOT become financially intimate with him too soon. You should combine finances when you know him extremely well, when you are about to get married, and even then you should ALWAYS have your own source of income that he cannot access.

Money makes people weird. Controlling. Manipulative. Please be careful. 7 months is not that long to know someone and be dating. He could still reveal A LOT about his personality that might shock you. So far, he is already revealing that he views taking you out to eat - though he makes A LOT more than you do - as a burden, which it shouldn’t be. He isn’t supporting your entire life, he is treating you to meals which allow you to spend more time with him doing what HE likes to do… eating restaurant food.

I would say stop going out to eat point blank. Maybe go once a week. If you are already only going out once a week and he is complaining, you should leave him because he is trying to manipulate you.

/r/relationships Thread