Like you suggested I have thrown out all my pipes and grinders many times, but I always go back to a head shop and I'm right back where I was. If my wife knew the extent of my smoking I feel she would have left me years ago. I spent all of last year in therapy and I honestly think it was the best thing I've ever done. If anyone else on this sub reads this that's the best advice I could give, also I found free therapy in my community and it was so much better than sessions I have paid for in the past. But you are 100% right, weed was my way of escaping my problems, then those problems just got worse and before I knew it I was drowning. Now I have to look back and assess the damage. Do I talk to people and apologize for my actions over the past 5 years? I'm fine with losing some of the more toxic relationships, but I've lost a lot that I hold dear. People have also lost all respect and faith in me, I am not a reliable person when my head is hazy, if I can find a way to get high, I will.