I have a Ndad and it has completely destroyed me. He screams and throws things if things don't go his way. If someone makes a mistakes he screams and curses but if he makes a mistake it's okay because everyone makes mistakes.
He denies hitting me when I was a kid but all I remember are the times I had to miss school because my face was green and yellow after he punched me. He doesn't remember throwing things at me and telling me I'm a bitch and I should die.
My sibling wanted to go out and hang with her friends for one more night before she moved across the country and my dad screamed at me and my mom the entire night, ranting that my sister should've died of cancer.
We can't talk about anything without worrying it would trigger him and have him start screaming. I can't talk about my dreams or what kind of car I hope to buy 10 years from now because I'm "shopping" and I'm useless why the fuck am I shopping for things. He screams because me dreaming and talking about my dream car is equivalent to me going out and buying a car.
He demands that my mom borrows money from her family because he doesn't think he should work anymore because he's worked hard for years. He actually hasn't and he's the most laziest person I have ever met. He doesn't even make enough money to pay rent but screams at my mom for spending all the money when she's scrambling every month to pay the rent.
His inappropriateness and him walking into the bathroom and staring at me when I take a shower. I can't even talk about this or any of the other times he has been inappropriate because of how much it makes me want to kill myself if I even think about it.
Him always talking about how sick he is when it's just an excuse not to work. He demands my mom make his meals 5-6x a day and if she doesn't he screams at tells how he's malnourished and how she's a fucking idiot, etc.
No one knows how much pain I carry because of my dad. How despite being in my twenties, I am trying to push my dreams aside so I can work enough so that my mom can finally be free from him. I have pushed away so many friends, so many people because of how ashamed I am. He always says how he's going to commit suicide and to be frank I think we would be better off if he went through with it.