TBH, ableism isn't kindness in the slightest, and attributing the behavior of these men to mental illness (as well as implicitly and not-so-implicitly spreading all kinds of misconceptions about autism in the process) is insanely ableist.

I am so. Tired. Of armchair psychologists throwing neurodivergent people under the bus because they want to sympathize with wannabe dangers to society. It's like how people never want to blame malicious mindsets for teenagers shooting up schools, so they scramble to find some video game they played or time they were bullied to pin it on instead. Except, you know, with more bigotry tossed in for flavor.

Some incels are autistic. Some are neurotypical. Some are neither. Ultimately, none of those are why they act the way they do. At absolute best it's an utter toilet swirl of toxic masculinity and progressively worse peer groups that they've been exposed to that have molded them into this. At worst? Maybe they're just evil for the fun of it.

Sometimes I still feel bad for incels and show them kindness anyway. But it's for things that warrant that kindness, and only those things. Signs of clinical depression, brief flashes of reality, cries of aching loneliness that they don't even fully understand they're making. But for the bulk of their behavior? I don't give it the benefit of the doubt, and neither should anyone else.

Some people treat incels wanting to commit crimes like it's Tourettes for virgins and they physically can't help what they type online. It's not, it's really not. And framing it like that hurts people who actually do have mental illnesses or divergences by associating them with these kinds of social groups.

Honestly, the people who try to frame incel behavior as mental illness are even more annoying than the incels. At least incels are honest about who they want to hurt and why.