I'm not really sure if this belongs on this thread since its not a "dating" type question. I've been married a little over a year to my indian husband. (he moved to the US about 10 years ago for school)

We dated, fell in love and married to be together. Through our 5+ year courtship he was exactly the kind of partner i wanted-smart, open and sensitive. It was refreshing to see an indian man who wanted a playful, egalitarian relationship. It was so different from all the other indian men i knew; my dad, uncles etc. I also grew up in places where we did not really have other south asian families around and dated outside of my own culture, until my meeting my SO.

There's been quite a bit of a shift in our relationship after our marriage and i always wondered if other people married to desis felt this too. We used to have a strong connection to each other and communicated verbal affirmations of our affection all the time. I never saw my father or other male members in our culture be so in touch with their feelings. They seemed to mildly tolerate their spouses and there were never any public displays of affection. It was very old-school. I never wanted a relationship like that. My husband also grew up in a patriarchal family and had the same kind of parents. As the newness of the relationship disappears i keep seeing him revert back to behavior he picked up from home, from watching his own father interact with his mother. Ofcourse we all learn things from our parents, but i grew up not wanting what my parents had(it wasn't terrible, but just never free) and it's a little troubling to see signs of it creeping up in our lives. Have any of you had this happen?