The misogyny built into mormon culture is what initially cracked my shelf. I was a sophomore in high school when the ERA amendment was being debated and I spouted off the TBM talking points I had been taught (it will lead to gender neutral bathrooms, it will hurt women, etc.) and luckily my social studies teacher at the time was able to refute them all, in a manner in which I felt was demeaning to me and my beliefs.

Being a smartass, I decided to do my own investigating to dig up some facts to throw back in my teacher's face. However, after weeks of research (you guys don't realize how good you have it with most information a Google search away), I came to the conclusion that I was the one who was misinformed...and by the very organization that professed to be perfect and true.

The crack in my shelf was never repaired, despite later serving a mission. As I grew into adulthood in my 20's and studied other religions, I began to understand I am actually a true son of this world, a product of planetary evolution, and not an alien consciousness inhabiting a temporary mortal body as I had previously felt.

The shelf came down post mission and now I breathe easier, see clearer, and connect with other people on a level I never thought was possible. I used to think I was happy and joyful because I believed I knew what this world was all about, where I came from and where I was going. Curiously, now that I realize there is no plan, no religious imperative to make everyone "see the truth" or any such nonsense, I feel a deeper joy in the discovery of the amazing reality we share and a gratitude for the ability to examine my own life. I get to decide what gives my life meaning, I don't need someone to tell me what gives me true joy and happiness.