Just to provide some more info for you.

I'm 25, software engineer. We both don't really consider this a real marriage. It's a real relationship, but it was mostly just to keep her here. Our families and loved ones don't even know.

As for being spoiled, yes I am pretty spoiled at my job. But I don't feel like anything was ever handed to me in life. I haven't had a whole lot of stability prior to now. I went through some troubled teenage years, had some issues with my mental health and family. Just three years ago, I was wondering how the hell I was going to pay rent while sleeping on the floor of a tiny roach-infested apartment in Koreatown.

I'm not planning on going back just yet, I was planning to do this six months or so from now if I continue to feel this way. As for this girl who's out there - I've missed her for nearly 7 years and the circumstances around the breakup have been bothering me ever since. And it's not like she's my only ex. My fixation on her is a bit troubling to me, probably a bit troubling to anyone. This is why I don't discuss it with the people I know. Only on reddit under a veil of anonymity.

You're totally right, I may not find myself happy moving back. I may not reconcile with this girl. Maybe reuniting with old friends won't give me what I'm looking for. I guess I miss the past a lot. Feels like I was so much happier back then. I know I have it good now, and I feel like I'd be throwing away a lot and hurting a person I really care about. Maybe I should better try to appreciate what i have. And yeah, it sort of does feel like a midlife crisis. Or maybe I'll just never be satisfied or completely happy. I dunno.

Thanks for the guidance.