Sure, might be a long rant tho.

When i finally discovered benzos i was a pretty heavy drug user, i had never been, just smoked weed at nights along with libery caps or Mdma crystals schatterd randomly over the year, always kept my tolerances towards drugs stronger than weed pretty vague.

But then one year i had a lot of money and spare time (fisherman) so i started abusing the mdma and psycadelics a bit to much, i mean, lying in your bed on Mdma, shrooms and weed is probably the same feeling you get as fucking Emma Watson, but oh well.

After my tolerance got boosted so high that the crystals didn't really do anything anymore and the weed was starting to turn into cigarettes, i found out that my uncle just one block away not only used but sold benzos , so one boring day i ring him up to check out what he has and the only thing he does have is 2mg blotters laced with alprazolam, never tried those, expected some LSD /NBOMe type of trip and boy was i wrong, i felt nothing.

I felt noting, i just sat at my computer playing league of legends without a care in the world for the first time in 25 years, the first time i didn't require a weed hit on the loading screens, first time in 25 years i just "woke up"... i didn't go to sleep, going to sleep for me is usually a two hour/alot of weed process, but this time i just fell asleep and woke up without realizing it and oh my god how i was consumed after just that night, even tho i tend to preach about how drugs wont ever make you addicted after one hit.

So from that moment on i basically swapped benzos for all my drugs but kept smoking weed with it, I've never in my life felt so calm, in control, secure, normal as i did when i discovered xanax for first time, its like going in another body that isn't as broken and disease filled as yours is, removes all fibromyalgia and muscle pains while literally putting a barrier on your anxiety and problems, you couldn't become stresses on xanax by railing your car into a cop car.

But.. after months you start to develop heavy tolerance and obviously dependence because you're getting used to being the no worry superman, your gonna end up not being able to get your doze one day and then you will see how far into the void you really are, I've always been a pretty depressed/anxiety ridden individual, but for the first time in my life i saw no reason at all to continue it, absolutely none.

At my first benzo withdraw i deleted about 300 facebook friends for no reason at all, i fucking hated everyone and felt like i "didn't need anyone, i just need xanax", if you have a hard time sleeping due to lack of weed, its basically that feeling plus your girlfriend cheated & dumped you at the same day your family died in a car crash, you just feel hopeless, empty & extremely alone that suicide isn't a bad option at all.

Most drugs just make you happier, mdma basically just takes the remaining serotonin in your body and uses all of it at the same time to make you as happy as you can be, SSRI (anti depressants) do the same thing but just spread it over 24 hours..

benzos don't do that, they do they opposite, they inhibit your ability to become depressed and sad, unless you're planing to do that every day until you die, i wouldn't recommend it, days without it are just impossible, panic attack's from just hearing your phone ring, too anxious to just walk out the door, feeling like you're about to vomit if you need to do talk to anyone or do anything besides the normal routine, its just two much of a difference between being on it or not and sober.

Not just mentally but physically aswell, there arent alot of drugs that will kill you by abruptly discontinuing them (alcohol does) but Benzos are one of them and is the reason why diazepam has a 250hour half life, so your body wont experience such a sudden change of activity and go into a seizure.

But anyway i think i've just been babbling about how i started using even tho there is almost way to much shit for me to reminisce about, before i discovered benzos i was your average intellect who did good at school who you would never belive smoked weed, afterwards it was pretty common for me to wake up in a cail cell, because when i started using them my knowledge towards them was basically none, i had no idea if you combine them your basically in for an automatic blackout, had no idea that alcohol is kind of the same thing so using both at the same time is almost a death wish.

But anyway to make thos post worh the read i guess, when i finally stopped in september last year, i was broke as fuck (which should be impossible for me considering my salary,,.. but you know, drugs) my roomate just left be becuase i was basically transforming from a sane person to drug fiend, i just crashed my car during an almost 5 day blackout where i consumed like 10mg of clonazepam, thinking it would do the same thing as Instant Alprazolam, i had basically nothing left when i finally said fuck it, one more time.

that one more time i just had weed and a couple of beers but those fucking beers were probably the couse for the "GO AND GET SOMETIHNG MORE PLX" feeling.. so i get into my crashed as fuck car (you´d get pulled over immediately due to its conditions) relitively drunk, stoned with some xanax in me and take the highway to reykjavík,i finally reach my dealer who is actually a pretty good friend by that time so not only did i get xanax, but also a few midzolam, nitrazepam and one oxy.

i had never seen midzolam or nitrazepam before so i just took it along with the oxy that i had never tried before and drove home.

I have no idea how i managed to drive home because its not at all in my memory just like everything that happened afterwards, i had no memories of what happened afterwards beside a dream alike experience here and there, but according to my mate i came home and afterwards i didnt say a single word correctly, all my words were slurred and i never made any sense while doing extremely random thins, like sitting at the computer, putting a weed hit in the bong, then laying the bong on the floor and walking in the kitchen, taking pasta and throwing all over the floor, getting stuck behind the TV chords, punching walls until my fists bleed, waking up my whole neighborhood until someone calls the cops.. the cops arrive and my apparent looks like Dexter Morgan just sliced someone there, blood every because i broke my bong and walked on the glass like it was cotton, they call the ambulance which was my first memory, just being told by a doctor that he had to stitch me up..

after that i "woke up" to a police officer yelling at me and saying "dude ... you know you're alone there, right?" because i had paternally been talking to the wall ever isnce they got me in the cell.

So, yeah, pretty fucked night, especially if you've been alive for 25 years and never so much as lost consciousness to hard liquor or drugs, such as shrooms, mdma, dmt, etc. nothing 'changes' you as much as benzos do, combine them and you might aswell just go to sleep and try to dream.