So recently my gf and I have been rough together. The sex has completely stopped and she has seemed distant. These were red flags for me, but the biggest one was when she said she wanted to go see her mom who lives a couple miles and I said "ok give me a sec, I'll get ready and go with you" and she said that she just wanted to go by herself. I went and laid down in be, and drank myself to sleep.

The next morning, I could tell something was on her mind when I woke her up to kiss her good morning. I had to pull it out of her, but when we finally talked, she told me:
• She had a problem with my drinking (which I had been too much lately)
• She didn't want to have to be the provider anymore (she makes about $300 more than me each paycheck) and that she felt our current situation feels stuck and that well never amount to a better life (bigger house, more vacations etc.)
• She sees her coworkers with the traditional "family" and isn't sure if she'll want kids in the future or not (I had a vasectomy, which was our choice, not just mine)
• She didn't want to move to Texas where I potentially could have made a lot more money working for my dad, and that she's not sure if she ever will want to move at all given all her family lives where we currently are.

I had a feeling this wasn't good, and that a separation would on do more harm, but I couldn't say no to her. All a asked was that if she didn't love me, not to lead me on.

I told her I was willing to do what it takes for us to work, but she ended the conversation saying that she wanted to spend about a week a part (she is going to dog/house sit for her uncle). I told her in the meantime, I was still going to make good on my word to change. I poured out the rest of my booze when I got up and went to work, and started looking for job during my down time at work.

I also called up my dad and explained the situation to him, and asked I could come live with him and work if thing didn't work out between me and my gf. She said yes and was sympathetic and said thing like what was happening to us just sometimes happen. We talked out the arrangements and I told him I would let him know what was going to happen after our separation was over.

When I came home I took 2 sleeping pills and went to sleep on the couch. When she came home that night (she works night shifts as an EMT) I could hear her sobbing but I didn't roll over until she finally sat down next to me, and in tears told me she "didn't want to lead me on". My heart was racing but I felt so numb at the same time.

She reiterated all the things we talked about and that I was an amazing bf, but she didn't think we could work and wasn't willing to try to anymore and that she felt like she was holding me back. I asked her if she was sure about her decision and she said she was. I told her if that was the case I was going to Texas and I would be gone for good, and that I was sorry things turned out this was and I felt like we could have worked. I told her how I had spent hours applying for jobs, I had a saved a coupon for a hair cut so I could cut my long hair and prepare for potential interviews, and that I intended to stay sober ever since I poured out my booze.

She seemed shocked and said "oh my god, you really were going to change. . ." but said that I should want to change for myself, and not for her, which I feel like the reason I want to change is a little of both. The more I talked and shared what I was thinking about how things were us and if we could work, the more I was starting to doubt my decision to leave for Texas, and she became less sure of her decision to move on as well. She said when she's by herself she confident in her decision, but when she sees me she's not. She went on to say that part of her want's to stand by her decision to break it off, but part of her just wants to hug me and tell me shes sorry and try to make things work. I didn't ever noticed her saying she wanted to make things work, but eventually asked if I wanted to try to make things work. I couldn't tell if me talking was just putting thoughts in her head or not, but by the end, neither of us were sure if we should try to make us work, and we didn't really have a grasp on what we were feeling.

We agreed that it was better for us to do this separation now, instead of what what would have been a week from now. She packed her things, I hugged her and told her I hope we make the decision that is best for us and she left in tears heading to her moms house. Prior to this I said I was still going through with my plans to leave, and we would talk right before I was at the turning point where I was going to go book a uhaul, packing up the few things I wanted to take and hit the road.

I still am not sure how I feel except for lost and scared. I made a pros/cons list to help figure things out (this is the tl;dr)

Staying together PROS:
• I still have feelings for her (or at least think I do)
• She promotes a healthier lifestyle for me
• She could help push me at times I feel stuck in life (ie. getting a new job)

Staying together CONS:
• I'm not sure if she is committed to fixing us • She may want kids one day that I can't give her (vasectomy) • I may not be happy sober • I may not be able to find a decent job (I don't have a college degree and my only transportation is a motorcycle which really limits my options) • Mismatched sex drives (though I won't if this is fixable, as things used to not be like this)

Moving to Texas PROS:
• I'll be making more money doing something I think I'd enjoy • Free to drink and smoke weed as much as I want • Freer lifestyle • Get to move to a new and exciting place

Moving to Texas CONS:
* I may not actually like the work * My dad promotes the unhealthy habits listed above * I would loose our dog

Someone please help me, were both young and this girl was my first true love, my first sexual partner, and I never envisioned life without this girl, but I feel so scared and torn. I would really appreciate some insight because I just don't know if moving on would the best for both of us or if we are throwing something away. . .