Not offering advice, because OP only wanted advice from non-dudes.

That said, I've often thought about how if I was a female I would be far less likely to play mixed, precisely because of the BS that you described. It's a little less of a problem for the women who are deep threats because those dudes who look off women, often love to huck. But the women making in-cuts, swing cuts, bail-out cuts, ready for the reset. Yeah they get looked off like crazy. And it's maddening to me when I see a woman totally wide open and a teammate just bombs away to the guy flying down the field with the defender in hot pursuit. Some guys would rather throw jump balls than make the winning play. And also, it's pickup, and to me an unspoken rule of pickup is that everybody should get involved and the handlers should facilitate that.

One last thing, You said:

However, I also struggle with this—i feel this pressure to be better in order to speak up for myself, like I can’t say anything about them not passing to me if the one time they did I dropped the disc. Thoughts here?

And I get what you're saying. But then again you have been:

watching men throw turns with shitty hucks and hammers

I think it's easy to forget that a spectacular crossfield hammer out the back is no less of a turnover than a dropped clap catch, but of course they are equal. And furthermore, the player who throws the unnecessary hammer or huck turnover when there were clearly better options is the one who should be more embarrassed, though often they are not.

I wish you the best of luck in getting the satisfying and equitable ultimate experience that we all deserve.