Here at Earth First Soap, a subsidiary of GloboCorp, we care about your family unit, and that's why since 5 minutes ago when the FDA outlawed antibacterial soaps, we've been 100% committed to our new Organic, Natural, 100% PABA free, Vegan, 100% hobo-meat free soap.
Do our competitors grind up the homeless into a slurry, mix them into a vat of carcinogenic chemicals, and press that resulting goop into bars of soap? We don't know! But we don't, and that's why we're committed to putting that on the label, because we care about your family.
Also, please don't get any ideas and wander down the hippie aisle and buy a bottle of Dr. Bronners just because "natural" is in - trust in GloboCorp's responsible, corporate, clean brand to keep your child away from the path of dangerous addictive needle drugs - your child is just one tie dye shirt away from a lifetime of snorting kale and quinoa, whatever that is, so keep it clean, keep it safe, keep it Earth First Soap, the only soap that's Natural***
***soap is not natural.