-You get hit by a drunk driver, but receive massive injuries as a result of not wearing a seatbelt. The one to blame for the recklessness is the drunk driver, but you could have come out of this with minor injuries by wearing the seatbelt.

-You never lock your doors in your apartment in a bad neighborhood. Someone "breaks in" and steals your stuff in the middle of the night. The thief is to be blamed for stealing your stuff, but why the fuck didn't you lock your doors?

-You knowingly get into a car with a drunk driver to go home. Drunk driver crashes the car. Not your fault for crashing the car, but obviously you had some impaired judgment in terms of getting into a car with a drunk driver instead of taking a myriad of other options.

-It's past midnight in the middle of a city and you're by yourself walking home rather than taking a taxi or going home earlier with your friends. You walk down a quiet alley where there's nobody else around. You get mugged and assaulted. Not your fault for the mugging, but you could easily have taken precautions to make yourself more safe.

And so on and so forth. In each case, the issue isn't about the person causing the problems; there's things people have done completely wrong, and it's obvious that they've done wrong. Instead, it's about a lapse in judgment to get yourself into a situation that you could easily not have gotten yourself into in the first place. Rape is a horrible, terrible, nasty, awful thing. Nobody is arguing it, nobody is blaming the victim. But you know what? The reality is that the world isn't a kind and gentle place, that things beyond your control can and do happen. In the end, it is your responsibility to minimize those risks.

And keep in mind, there's instances that, no matter the precautions, things do happen. And in those instances, people aren't blamed for their carelessness. Sometimes no amount of group protection, safely traveling in packs, and whatnot is going to stop something terrible from happening. And in those instances, my heart goes out to those people.

But if your feelings are going to be hurt because something terrible happens as a result of some boneheaded decision and carelessness, then it's up to the individual to recognize that weakness.