[Update]: Me ( M/27) going through, a nightmare right now over her ( F/25). I really don't know how to handle this.

Obviously I was joking, but I've found a few things about myself and others that I just can't shake:

Poor grammar and spelling suggests, in general, a lack of formal education or attention to generally accepted social norms in writing. It constantly begs the question of whether this speaks to age, effort in education (and its connection to social and cultural dynamics), or handicap. I wrestle with whether the poster writes this way out of laziness, or hears their voice in their head the same way they write. All speak to general inexperience in life, and thus colors my interpretation of how well they'll be able to deal with their relationships.

Similarly, their tone of voice and the words they use are usually an indication of the way they talk to themselves. The words carry meaning (debatable meaning, of course) that we can glean some idea of their mental state, cultural background, preconceived notions about themselves and others, and use it to form an opinion about that person.

All in all, for this particular poster, I wonder about the following questions:

  • Extreme use of exclamation points suggests intensity of self-talk.
  • Very unusual use of semi-colon, over-use of commas really make me question their educational background, especially if this person is a grad student. Likely a STEM field. Backed up by a feeling he's farther on the spectrum than most, little interaction with the opposite gender.
  • African American points to classically underprivileged family, which could mean low-income, low focus on education, traditional African American gender values, contradicted with grad school student, overweight, less relationship experience than one would expect for his likely age.

In that sense, I find it difficult to provide information that is geared toward someone his presumed age (23-29), and find myself thinking in terms of how I would give myself advice at 15. This isn't bad, but it creeps into my advice at times without me even realizing it.

/r/relationships Thread