tldr: why was a 12 year old watching porn?

Does porn really not influence society? Or mirror something?

thing is, sexual abuse isn't a new thing. it's been going on forever, you might just have not heard of it as much before as there has been stigma against victims of it. to some extent it still exists too. it's only recently that discussing the issue has become (relatively) acceptable, which is why it seems like it's getting more common. but freedom of information works both ways. victims come forward to offer perspective and foster understanding, but by the same token you'll also have more information on (or pornography of) 'alternative' sex available. yes, sex is much more acceptable on tv and in film now but there is also much more tv and film being produced, which means you also have a higher chance of finding something that does not have these elements. ultimately though, most of media is still produced by independent parties who are under no obligation to provide you with content tailored specifically to you, so unless you want to disallow sexual content entirely (because what constitutes "violent pornography" as opposed to pornography will quickly become a slippery slope to judge), and you said you don't, you should just avoid what you don't like.

i mean, i'm sorry you had a bad experience with porn. i'm not saying kids should view it, but i watched the stuff from the same young age too and know plenty of other people who did so i can at least understand. however, it was never really "accessible" though. whenever i would view it, it was clear this was something i was not supposed to do, so that raises to me a question of: if you were a kid watching the stuff, 1) you were deliberately breaking rules you knew you shouldn't, or 2) your parents did not did their job correctly or possibly 3) you were manipulated or influenced into it by someone else (peer or not) in which case i don't think it's a problem with porn as much as it is with information/education. better sex-education might be more suitable here. i think kids viewing porn are only a symptom of curiosity or whatever, and it's better to treat the illness rather than keep fighting with the symptoms, so again, better sex education will do more good here.

also i wonder about accessibility again because i just don't see any reasonable way the system could change from what it is now. how would kids be kept out while adults would be allowed to see it? there are warnings now on websites already, so what else can be implemented that would not compromise an adult's identity/anonymity? you need to see it is unrealistic.

lastly i wonder about the misogynism point, you bring that up a lot and also say "gangbanging, gagging and gaping at the click of a mouse and I seriously don't know how I will explain to my son that that isn't what sex is". for one, outside of the context of explaining these acts to a child etc., again it's the slippery slope of what is sex and what isn't sex (and instead is...some "bad" act?). i mean, there are women who enjoy the acts you mentioned so that may be invalidating someone's preference or identity, which is sort of at odds with the idea currently gaining traction in society that it's ok to have sex and sex does not impact your worth as a person. that point also seems to forget that the porn exists because there is an audience for it, an audience that is not necessarily made up of misogynists, merely people who enjoy some acts in porn. so i think it's just a really unrealistic point that you find something intended for a completely different audience (made up of 18+ people who enjoy these fetishes), and then as a 12 year old kid viewing it think you are entitled to make demands on this porn to be nicer for you. you are also forgetting there are exists porn that is similar in these attitudes but to men -- yes, there is less demand for it which is why it is less produced it but it does exist. so because you have had the misfortune of seeing what you saw first, that is the experience that shaped you, but i wonder if you saw that 'reverse' pornography first, would you still think this way? so really again i don't think it's the problem with the porn itself, it's a problem with why were you watching porn at 12 years old? or why do you think you can make demands on what porn is acceptable and what isn't? yes, sites like brazzers are popular, but they are popular because people enjoy it and go there off their own free will. things gain popularity by demand so even if you don't like pornography violent towards women, if other people like it then that's what will be popular. and, as for a "vision of sexuality", again that is not something anybody forced on you. you chose to interpret what you saw as a vision of women having to be submissive and suffer to mean "sexuality". again i'm sorry but that's your own mind interpreting things for you wrongly. what you saw was an illustration of somebody's preference, but you are under no obligation to share that preference. there are many more aspects to sexuality, which i understand you wouldn't have looked into at age 12 (and nor should you have had to), but the problem still remains: it's not the aspect of sexuality you saw that was bad, it was the fact that you even saw it because you saw it without getting the whole picture. (whole picture being: there's a lot of preferences, find something you like, don't hurt anyone in the process, stay safe sane and consensual, good luck)