the marital struggles you describe do not give you biblical grounds for divorce.

I understand this, but if it comes to my own personal health and well being but I will plan on exiting the relationship if nothing changes. I fact that I have felt like I don't have an option other than suicide because I think of it "not being grounds" for divorce, it makes me not want to be religious at all.

I know how unhealthy it is, and people might say I need help, but I assure you it's not serious. I'm just trying to give you an idea of "type of options" I've felt I've had because of "not being grounds". I do identify as a follower of Jesus, but I also believe the bible is very flawed. It was written by man. There's alot of things about the Christian-faith that I don't support or believe in (I'm not opposed to gay marriage, for example) The bible also says if my husband dies, that I must marry his brother. I say "follower" because I want to serve people, not rule of others like a lot of Christians think they should do. That's a whole different conversation, though. Lol.

I have tried everything to help him and our marraige, but it's coming to the point where I'm being affected and I don't handle it anymore. A few years ago I spoke with my pastor to meet with him, and once my husband found out it was to talk about us and himself he flipped his lid. Reaching out to his family the last time he blew up was my last "go" at it because I didn't know what else I could do. However, I've been reading through the forum and might do solo marriage counseling. I didn't know what was a thing until last night.

I've had a struggled with depression in the past (it was situational because of my home life) and I'm not going to put myself through that again when I know I have the option to leave the situation. I used to get depressed and blame myself for a lot of things he was doing when he said he wanted to change, but as I said I've reached my breaking point to the point where I don't even try to argue or fight back anymore. I have had guilt because I felt like I wasn't doing enough to help him, but he had expressed that he knows I do everything to help him and that he does take advantage of it, but he doesn't know why or what to do about it. However, he wont even make any effort to "try" or "start to change". I'm not going to be walked over or taken advantage of this way anymore.

I've been in a relationship with myself for a very long time and that's the one I need to work on. I love my husband, but I love me more.